The Border Of Freedom…

A wish to fly, to be free, the smell of independence, such a merry 2 days ago! What a celebration! The colors that hold India, the undying spirit, the thrill, the vibes that brought the entire nation one, the sky having all kinds of colors, the madness, the kites wanting to go beyond the sky, the love for the country, ..

Yet not powerful enough to set me out of the cage!

In all the celebration, the twitching of the wings wanting to get out of that cage was like slow death. Wanting to get out of there and step closer to the border in need of reaching out to him was more towards being independent.. , so much for the tenor of Independence!!

Yet I felt like I was residing in the painting of some artist!

Like the only place I was happy in was someone’s drawing in some part of the world, because he kept me right next to him and thats all. Trapped in that art work! Still! No movement! Probably a drop of paint trickling down my eyes that went un noticed in all the other colors that were being celebrated that day!!!

Yet I felt like a mannequin outside a well lit fashion store!

When everyone stepped in to shop for the festivities, I stood there tricolored, wearing the zeal all over myself, but unachievable, the entire world came in, but my freedom didn’t. So I stood there expressionless between all the smiles. Some wanted to take the clothes off of me, but no one wanted to take me home!!!!

Yet I felt like a television per say!

Projecting so many emotions of sovereignty, of liberalization in 100’s of channels that switched through me but still couldn’t project that one particular emotion I actually possessed.

Yet I feel like a scar !!! A big scar on someone’s wrist probably ..

So stable yet the only thing that has a free flow through it is blood ! It’s not the scar is at one place just like my body but the blood flows just like the rush inside me. Regaining and reliving the spirits of Independence for crying out loud.

And how could I ? He was not a part of the country’s freedom that day so how could I even think of being a part of the same ??? How can my country be free if its not for him ??? I cancelled it out. I was feeling more of a slave than ever. Suppressed by the pressure of celebration .

What is Independence I asked? How exactly was our country free ?? The population of India doesn’t even have the freedom to be happy when they want to, not beg if they don’t want to, not go to the office next day if they don’t want to, not get sick if they don’t want to, not hold a grudge against each other , not split if they don’t want to. In my case, marry the one I really want to. We are all just slaves to something or someone somewhere so why fake the freedom ???? What is it that we are free from ???? The expenses each day kill us, so does the heat! I mean just wanting to put up a perfect show for the sake of freedom ate me up the entire month prior to the dam day at school. So ? Is this a healthy freedom? I doubt.

WE ARE SURROUNDED BY THE BOUNDARIES THAT ARE ALWAYS ON FIRE. A LITTLE BEND AND YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF CONSUMED BY THE SPARK!

Conclusion 1 : The freedom is only present in the womb of a mother is what I conclude looking at it all, because you have no idea what you are gonna get into the second you get out of there, out of the closed freedom. In the books you might be getting yourself free but according to me, you are just entering the subjection. Thats the place where the actual freedom lies.

I felt thoroughly bad from deep within when I looked at the army of soldiers, not just that day but every time when I do. They are away from their loved ones, not even so much as even a contact with them for months, their wives, children, fighting! How and what makes them do so ??? They are the only ones that are actually born with super-natural powers! Not batman or superman. They are doing all this for the sound sleep of people they don’t even know or will not probably ever meet. So my salute to them. Living away from the family is something I don’t think any of us can even think of.

Conclusion 2 : When you enter this world, the next place for me to find freedom would be his arms, when he holds me in his arms, thats the tightest freedom I could ever imagine. Not even clothes binding us. Just the bodies coming together so stiff that even the air can’t pass through, thats the suffocating freedom I love. Sweating through it… Not having such a feeling from months/years is something that always admired me of them, so a big salute to the army^

I felt like a handicapped personnel myself in the urge to fight the border to get through him. I wanted to break all the barriers that came in between for the freedom I craved for. I wanted to jump that border to get to his arms of freedom. I would use all the weapons that I possibly could to get there, I would be the one man army to the Independence of my dependence. For how long should I keep sitting on the border through all the weathers that change and no food ? I want to break it all to get to you in any way possible now.. I can’t take this war any more.

Time to team up! Time to be together on any one side of the border! USA has had their freedom and so has India this year..

Yet we haven’t secured that of ours being very much a part of so.

So what kind of freedom was it till our souls are not set free from within ????

An a’R’my to ‘P’eace is what I oath for this In”dependence!”

Let the power of love overcome the love of power!

Cross the border and come to your family my soldier 🇮🇳  ♥️ 🇺🇸

 

The Chaotic Echoes

Riding somewhere between all The hustle! The mess! The Chaos! The tension! The cynical mind set! The rush! The crowd! The surroundings of the atmosphere that are so suffocating that all you can feel are drops of sweat sliding down your veins, leading to the heart and becoming a slow poison to your soul, The sounds in your head! The noise! The thoughts! The pressure! The feeling that you are literally throwing up in your head! So hammered! The Echo! The precision of the excruciating knock in there that you are constantly having in a day, has made me a lifeless soul! Weak in the legs, moist in the eyes, lose in the arms, and dull in the body kind of a person.

The jammed from top to bottom of the body that you have got to live with. Rust consuming the whole system, no space for any movement even for one second. The maddening mind full of thoughts that are eating you up pretty good. No! It doesn’t stop reverberating for one drop dead second. So harsh. Continuously ringing. Not letting you concentrate. Ending up making you a psychopath whom no one can help!

NOTE 1 : THE BLAST IN THE HEAD IS SO NON PERISHABLE UNLIKE EVERYTHING ELSE                     ABOUT THIS LIFE THAT TENDS TO DECAY AT SOME POINT!

All you can hear all day is the bang! How do I lift it off ??? How do I unload the piled up thoughts in my warehouse ????? How do i calculate the cost its costing me to have them up there ???? What about the depreciation that its causing ???? Who is maintaing the accounts that i am accounted to ????? Why does it feel like a shit load of debt in here ???  Where does all the packaged material go ??? The ones that have not been explored yet ????

NOTE 2 : ITS LIKE AN ENTIRE FACTORY BURNING UP THERE WITH THE SCARCITY OF                        WATER. NOT A DROP OF IT!!!!

Should I call in for bull dozers with all sorts of tools to cut my head off already ???? Or should I let the deadly thoughts make me a maniac and do nothing about it at all ???? Where do I go ???? Where do I find just the right amount of rest ???? Why are the alarms alarming my soul in the worst way possible ?????

*Sigh*

Its wondrous that there is not so much as a pause button up there either! Its a constant play that has been hit and some virus has attacked it so traumatically that now it can’t be controlled. The more I control it, the more it gets affected by that dreadful virus. The system is probably hacked and I definitely have no control over it !!!!

NOTE 3 : THE ECHOES ARE SO ENTANGLED TO ONE ANOTHER THAT IT GETS ME                               DIARRHEA OF ALL THE WORST POSSIBLE CLUMSY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD                       THAT FRIGHTEN MY SOUL TO EXIT THE BODY!

Every word of what I have written so far is so literal in the meaning that even while I am here trying to rip it off of my brain, it still is blabbering non-stop in my tiny little room up there!!!!! I know it. I know the reason why this shitty little surface is punishing me for. And why not ??? Its punishing me for letting the boy leave for an imaginative dusty future that is yet to come in exchange of the present that is at this moment. This is why there is no solution to the disease in my head. This is why my heart is swelled of all the crying. This is why even in the most peaceful places that i go to, all i can listen to is the chaos in my head. It is now breaking all the doors to the tiniest bit positive left. The residue is falling off. My soul is horrified.

NOTE 4 : THE MUR-MUR OF THE THOUGHTS ARE NOW IN THE FORM OF TEARS THAT                     ARE TRYING TO FIX THE LOST MEMORIES BUT FAILING TO DO SO IN THE                           ABSENCE OF THE LOVED ONE!

Now, imagine the Pain! Just imagine the amount of it in my head all the time. No medicine or anything is able to cure it. The only cure would be his voice in my ears, his lips on my forehead! oh! how i miss it. His fingers pushing just the right buttons on my head. His counseling… Uggh! The list is endless. AND YET IMAGINE BEING BLANK AT ALL TIMES…

I want to embrace you in my brain to get rid of the filthy mind-f**king crap that is growing by the day and I see no stopping it. Our future will always remain in our future, its time to hold the present and make the most out of it.

Honestly you know, I knew it. I knew how tough it will be when you are gone, but this tough, its like i have ended up becoming the worst enemy of my own here without you. Shit! So much of importance you hold in my life that i would really love to not hold my breath as much as i want to hold you in my arms right now. Don’t keep me hanging to these thoughts., its risky out there!!

The Chaotic Echoes haunt me. They haunt me in the most spine-tingling manner. The most monstrous manner. From Life to death. Its all in my head in the most nerve-racking possible manner.

SOLUTION :  YOU! ONLY. YOU.

NOTE 5 : SO COME! A CRY FOR HELP FOR YOU TO SHOW UP AND TURN THIS “PAIN”                         INTO THE MOST  WONDERFUL ‘PAIN’TING THAT HAS YOU, THAT HAS ME, AND                 THAT ONLY ECHOES LOVE!

Burst this balloon of thoughts and convert the sweaty tears to joy that tickles!

P (screaming) R!!!!

 

 

 

Togetherness Of Separation

Like the Stars above…. together to the naked eyes, yet so further away from each other in reality!

Like the Dreams…. right there in our eyes, yet the most difficult to catch!

Like Art Work… on the canvas, yet too pretty to be true!

Like the Oceans…. so deep, yet on the surface level!

Like the Mountains…. the top most, yet not enough to touch the sky!

Like the Clouds… grey/white, yet too afraid to turn blue!

Like Music… melodious, yet enough to pinch the ears!

Like Tears…. transparent, yet the most visible!

LIKE DISTANCE…. FAR OFF, YET ENOUGH TO BRING TWO INDIVIDUALS TOGETHER!

Why can’t one be inspired by the Rain??? It travels the farthest distance i.e., between the sky and the ground, yet never fails to bring them together. Its like the only thing common between the two. It holds them like a thread too pure. It never gives up. Pours itself to the maximum strength it has..

Why can’t one be like Autumn??? The fall ???? The LEAVES, inspite of falling down, makes the most beautiful sight to watch! Till the second it hits the ground to its last breath, it LEAVES colors all over the place. Getting separated by the trees, yet spreading the joy.

Why can’t one be like Storm ???? So powerful, yet too weak to bring people together! It tries all that is in its strength to move everything apart, but what if we are wrong ??? Probably its nature’s way to bring US together ! Probably its just moving the distance between YOU and ME.

Why can’t we be inspired by the Roots ???? It is never able to even see whats growing on it, yet too selfless to transfer growth to the branches! Why ??????

Why is everyone becoming more like Distance ????? Why are we so fond of it that we are letting it grow ????? Why not cut it short rather than increasing it ???

ARE WE DEPICTING THE TOGETHERNESS OF SEPARATION OR SEPARATION OF TOGETHERNESS ??????

Is the closeness that our souls hold, are turning weak inspite of being the most dedicated of all in our bodies? What is happening to us ???? Why can’t I find even a clue to this Distance ???

HOW DO I SOLVE THIS PUZZLE OF THE BROKEN PIECES OF HEART INSIDE ME THATS CREATING A HUSSLE ???

Why are we being so tough to find a solution to ??

The Separation of the Present! The Togetherness of the Past!

Don’t know what the future is going to hold for us. What combination will it be….

Imagine a Bird, losing it’s feathers! Its like losing what it’s made for. The will to fly. So high! Are you going to feel bad if birds can’t ever fly?? Or Winds that can’t ever blow?? Or Peace that is never achieved ??? Or flowers that don’t ever blossom ??? Or butterflies with no color ???? Or Violin with no sound ???? Or Dancing to no beats ???? Or Theatre and no drama ???

OR ME WITHOUT YOU ???????

MY BREATH WITHOUT GETTING SYNKED TO THAT OF YOURS YOURS ! MY SOUL WITHOUT ITS MATE ! MY SPARK WITHOUT LOOKING IN YOUR EYES! MY WINGS WITHOUT YOUR PUSH! MY SECRETS WITHOUT EARS! MY FEARS WITHOUT YOUR SHOULDERS! MY IMAGINATION WITHOUT YOUR BRAIN! MY PERCEPTION WITHOUT YOUR REALITY! MY DARKNESS WITHOUT YOUR LIGHT! MY STEPS WITHOUT YOUR COUNTS! MY DREAMS WITHOUT YOU! MY HAPPINESS WITHOUT YOUR SMILE !!!!!

Being a victim of hicran over here!.. Turn it into a vuslat.

Why are we getting so lost in this separation that togetherness is a word without meaning ??? Even the term is losing its significance.

Imagine the notebooks I doodle US on. All of them, with pens of all colors, you don’t even know exist. Thats how separated we are.

Imagine the number of times I blink my eyes during a day, and how every  time if find you in that blink. You don’t know that, thats how separated we are.

Imagine the number of speed bumps my car hits a day, and how every time I am only able to cross it smooth because I think of you, but do you know that ? No! Thats how separated we are.

Imagine how with every bite that i eat and every sip of water that i need to consume in a day, I know i can go without it if i have you. But you have zero realization of that. Thats how separated we are.

Imagine how every morning/every night, is only dedicated to you in my head, it some times makes it difficult for me to even breathe, but do you know how much i love it ? Na.. Thats how separated we are.!

Imagine how when every single time i look at myself, at every place on my face or my body, I feel how you have touched me every where and I share the same color as you, I fall in love with myself, so can you really imagine how much i would be loving you ? NOPE! Thats how separated we are.

I never have words enough to describe what I have inside of ME for YOU, yet these words come to bring us closer to each other, but are WE ?

SO MUCH OF SEPARATION IN THE HOPE OF TOGETHERNESS TO SEAL THE TWO SOULS TO ONE BECAUSE TOGETHER WE CAN SEPARATE ALL THE BARRIERS/BOUNDARIES THAT WOULD EVER DO US APART!

Lets break the break-up of patching us up!

Lets separate the detachment and attach us up!

Bring me back my fallen wings drowning in the tears leaving my eyes!

By all means..

-LOVE … too tiny of a word, yet too vast to be explained!

P ❤ R

___________ BLANK!

Refer to ME as BLANK today!

Don’t have a word to write in and yet so much to say. So much to ask! So much to pretend to the world that everything is alright. So much for the plastic smile. So much for the hidden sorrows of my shadows. So much for the laugh that has no meaning. So much for the destructed passion. So much for the scary nights. So much for the longitivtiy for that soul to reach out for a little comfort.

What is it that you will fill up that “BLANK” with if you were asked to describe your Love in one word ????? Crazy ? Unconditional ? Pure ? Deep ? Infinite ? Painful ? Happy ? Romantic ? Lustful ? Spiritual ? Flexible ? Protective ? Egoistic ? Complicated ? Powerful ? Dark ? Imaginative ? Simple ? I know I can go on forever, but ,

INSPITE OF THIS BLANK BEING SO EMPTY, YOU WILL FALL SHORT OF WORD TO FILL IT UP WITH COMPLETELY!

And thats how hollow I feel on the outside. Irony! There is so much for the pain and cause on the inside that its flooding out but the desertedness on outside is spreading like fire. So much for the hot Love!

This “BLANK SPACE” is so heavy that it makes me wanna crave for words all day long. Its like i am fighting for a VACANCY ! The Emptiness. I want to be the top most candidate to fill it.

Do you think getting admission in this slot also has some kind of quota ???

In order to fill this blank with the word that describes your Love, do we really need to fall in one of the following categories of LOVE ? (in books)

  1. EROS being all about beauty and sexuality
  2. LUDUS being all about entertainment and excitement
  3. STORGE being peaceful and slow
  4. PRAGMA being practical and traditional
  5. MANIA about elation and depression
  6. AGAPE being compassionate and selfless

What if one is all of the above ? Why the categories ? Why the limits in this BLANK World ??? Why not being free to be who you really want to be? Love till even after beyond at all ? Why can’t one be all in 1 and 1 in the above 7 types ??? (answers)

  1. One can be pretty on the inside and bold on the physical front along with being (2.) funny and up for all the new things that comes along and be (3.) very calming and soothing with their eyes/touch and still be (4.) practical to get things done in a traditional manner by being (5.) elated by the love no matter the depressing situations around and yet be (6.) selfless. So much for the overpowering Love!

CONCLUSION : LOVE AND BLANK ARE SO SIMILAR TO EACH OTHER SINCE BOTH OF THEM HAVE NO BOUNDARIES ..

Why does it have to be so hard with this BLANK?? I think that I am so obsessed with it that I feel being so every day now. I am very much displaying all emotions through my face but is my soul in sync with it ???? Is my heart in their beating right ????

Is it for this reason that when a person dies, the monitor attached to that person shows a complete “BLANK??” Is it really just a myth about body problems when the actual reason is lack of Love ??? All of us want it so bad that when our souls stop receiving it, we fall short of life ~

I really cant stop wondering that this whole planet was “BLANK” at one point and then entered all of us to fill in the spaces . So are we all filling up the vacancies ?? Are we here to fill these vacancies with only Love and not Money ??????

Everyone says that we enter in this world empty handed and leave in the same manner. But i some how disagree. We come in this world with a lot of love even in those tiny little hands, and a lot of strength in those feet, they some how are so powerful that it can release any one’s tension in a fraction of a second. While leaving, who knows how much more Love we take with us. Imagine! Before entering this world when we knew no one, we brought so much of love, we made every one fall in love with us,, so how much love will we be carrying when we go!

CONCLUSION 2 : WE ENTER FROM A BLANK SPACE, WE COME IN TO FILL THE SPACES, TAKE OUR SPOT! LEAVE A MARK THEIR AND THEN LEAVE FOR A BLANK SPACE AGAIN..

It really should be wondered as to how this mechanism actually works!

Any way, the situation that we live in only calls for more and more and more and more of Love is what I can grasp from it. This feeling of giving and taking of Love between the souls is when the Gap/Blank actually fills, so never stop Loving to keep yourself going. No fights! No wars! Only pure and slow Love !!!

THOUGHT : SOME WHERE FROM “FILL IN THE BLANKS”  TO BEING A “BLANK OURSELF” WE ALL GREW UP!

So YOU! Where ever you are, location : somewhere in Big Apple, to be precise, FILL THE BLANK ROADS (long distance) BETWEEN US with whichever Love you want to^ with all the words that you want to to describe it^ with all of YOU! AND ONLY YOU.

BEFORE IN SINK IN THIS HOLLOWNESS.

I can’t take this fight anymore, I can’t be that dent anymore. Fill me up like a dentist fill all the cavities….

A single inch of gap between us is making a thousand yard boundaries of “BLANK” within me. I can’t do the face anymore. The world is scary!

The only thing that I want Blank is the bed where we lie. Not a single thing there. Just YOU and ME with all the above 7 types of LOVE to destroy the 7 Wonders Of the World round the Globe and make 1 of our OWN!

P _________________________ R

 

The Wait Awaits….

24 hours a day means 168 hours in a weak which means 730 hours a month which in turn means 8760 hours a year which would in turn mean 87600 hours in 10 years.

But, what does one do when every second of the day feels like a DECADE ? Quite literally! When every second is only haunting you to the core that you might lose yourself any second., that the time is poking you. The need of the hour is chasing the the present time to cure the pain inside you.

Who measures the time ? We all know that one minute consists of 60 seconds but what about one second ??? How does one really know about what a second comprise of ????

I feel like I am hitting a century every second and still losing by 876000 runs. The more I am fighting, the more I am falling behind.

I don’t know how exactly is the entire day passing me by because the value of every second for me is more than one could imagine.

For now all i know is that one single second is consisting of my tears, my unanswered questions, my heart who is always in a hope to see him come in, my fears, my weaknesses. At least thats how i measure them. At least that’s how I measure it…

When those seconds turn into days and months, I see my self turning into a psychotic monster who scares all those around her including her own self the most. That creature just keeps getting bigger and more powerful that its eating up everything inside me.

Every single time when i look at the time on the clock during several instances of a day, those three needles seem like three swords trying to kill me. They are so pointy, they don’t even wait for me to recover from the previous pain and just keeps moving.. And if it really is that fond of moving forward all the time, then why can’t it speed up a bit more ? Why can’t it bring him to me ??

What is the TIME trying to tell ???

Sometimes i wonder that its playing a game of hide and seek with every one individually. It can’t be a coincidence that when one is happy, it passes by too quickly and when one is deeply sad, it sticks! Its just swinging us all off like that pendulum that keeps hanging below it.

EVERY TIME IT TICKS , IT DOES ALL THE WRONGS INSIDE ME.

“Only Time will tell.” What is it exactly that the time is trying to tell ??? When will it tell us ? Is it telling us all something already but we are too worked up to listen to it ????

The very slight noise that vibrates through the needle that denotes seconds, is that the time speaking ? How can we listen to it ? Does the entire world have to come at peace at the same time and same place with utmost silence to actually listen to it talk ???? Will that be as they say “The Right Time?”

But what about the soul ? Is time not seconding what the soul wants ???

I sometimes envy Time because it has such a strong opinion that it will keep moving on no matter how much you get attached to it. Just like the way he slipped off through my hands, thats exactly how time is. Just like sand.

But then, how ???? How is it that at such a high speed, i can feel every tiniest bit of it ??? I find my self living in the memories from the past with him and the new ones I am yet to make with him, but the time in the present keeps reminding me of his absence that keeps haunting me day and night.

As the tears fall down my eyes every night and the pain boils up in blood just like right now, i again give a glance to the time and wish that he comes and embraces me up in a way that it feels like a MILLENNIUM JUBLIE!

One thing that i have learned so far is that, its not the Time that is ever worth it, its the person who makes it that way! For me, YOU!!!

Come before the weakness explodes, before bad becomes worse, before eyes lose their sight in you wait, before hope becomes despair, before colors turn black, before water turns dry, before sir shuts down, before voice breaks down!!!

BECAUSE EVERYTHING INSIDE ME IS SO ALARMED BY THE PRESENT TIME.

BEFORE THE TIMER GOES OFF AND BLOWS MY SOUL.

Because this weight (wait) is making my soul heavier by the day, because every fraction of me is much more accurate than any fraction that the second owns.

COME BECAUSE ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THE TIME STAND STILL!

 

<”(3

A Drug Tale

Once a upon a time, in a far far land away, lived a girl who was nurtured like one of its kind. So full of her life, aspirations, hopes, dedication and all good spirits to live life. She was the most loved one at home and the most hated one at school. She wondered what lead to the hate, where ever she travelled, where ever life lead her to, she was all by her own self. She could never form a friend because of all the hate. She was pretty and wealthy and talented but that was just not enough to please people around her. If that was not enough, she was bullied. It was like “The Cinderella” happening everywhere she went. She tried everything. Every. Thing. But still couldn’t figure out the reason!

Why was the entire world so jealous of her ? Why was she not able to cope with the requirements of the society ? Not one day she could stop sobbing about it. At nights she used to pray to God to help her make one friend at least. She used to, in a tiny little pink box which she also referred to as the dream box with all the glitters, wrote a wish on a paper and stored it in there. Every day there was just one wish she used to make, but it never came by!

Years passed by, but her prayers were left unanswered.

THE CHILDHOOD OF DUCK TALES WAS NOW CONVERTED TO DRUG TALES.

Every day was a new form of depression which was not portrayed enough. Every where she went, she saw people laughing together, crying together , having meals together and in such a huge space she just felt alone. The only one to not able to share all that she wanted to with anyone.

It was like a room full of lights and celebrations and all the merry but only she was covered in the dark, in the dirt. No one could see her.

Like she was untouchable.

Like she was the most unwanted one.

The only people she gained any attention from were guys/men who wanted her body. Who drugged her with the lust every moment. The eyes that saw her were full of that of an animal when they see its prey. That attention was not her style but the feeling of not being wanted by anyone lead her to such creatures.

Yet again, every night she used to pray to God that she is not like this at all. “Just give me a set of friends and i will leave all this. I’m becoming something that i am not.” Please just a few friends, i promise!

These prayers were like a drug she was addicted to, she never stopped trying , nor did she ever achieve it !

QUESTION : Why was it that she could never give up on the deal that she could never form any friends ? Why was it so hard for her ?? This infectious drug was reaching every part of her body but still, she wanted more of it. Why ???

“I AM NOT WORTH IT! I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND ONE!! I AM JUST GOOD FOR NOTHING!!! THE PROBLEM IS IN ME!!!!”

The drug used to aggravate her pain in the form of these lines sometimes.

EVEN SITTING IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR COULD NEVER HELP HER. SHE FELT EQUALLY ALONE IN FRONT OF IT.

HER OWN COMPANY WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.

Imagine not having a single person who can be termed as your friend in this spacious world full of people in the smallest of the spaces.

Hopes were turned down, aspirations stood no meaning.

Entered LOVE!

Sadly it exited the second it made an appearance because she was not ready for anything now. The negative thoughts of not having some one to count on had disappeared.

Deep inside her, she knew all the definitions of love, every rule of it in the perfect manner, everything just so accurate on how love would work because probably she never got a chance to show it to the world all this time but she was so scared to give it a chance that she never respected any guys love. She became a hard hearted person who was now only getting attention from a temporary squad of guys! They came and they left but she did not feel a thing now.

This continued for another couple of years. She was now a victim of the devil she never wanted to be. She became so heartless, so restless, but lazy enough to make this her lifestyle.

Tired of the pain, the prayers still continued,  the tears started exploding even more now, the pain increased, growing up was making it only tougher to not have any friends.

Then a category of boys came in who claimed to be her friends but always had an angle of exploiting her, Just having her!

She went crazy over it. She actually thought that they wanted to be her friends, so fragile on her toes, she did this mistake of judging them wrong not once, not twice, not thrice but a dozen times, maybe more than that!

The world started knowing her weakness now. And all of us know what the world is the best at! TAKING ADVANTAGE! And so, it began!

Went on for another two years….

ENTERED THE SOUL!

First time ever, she ever felt her soul. First time she could not feel her legs. First time, like some had actually swept the floor off. First time, an ear who would listen. First time, some one who was just there! First time in front of whom she could be her actual self. First time, that she was i think hallucinating. First time that ray of light .

She wasn’t sure if he was a friend but she knew how comfortable she was in his presence! She knew that she could just talk rubbish and he would listen to it.

He was the one guy who was missed in that array of being with guys to have company in the past.

He had appeared again and it just made her feel like this is why he was rejected earlier. Probably that time was not right. Now she was ready for him. He became a friend first. A perfect friend that she always wanted.

And then turned to be her Soul (mate) all together. The steam to her heat. The coal to her sins. The savior to her chills. The addiction over her drug. The drug to her life! The LOVE DRUG.! One individual who became not only her friend or her Soul mate but her family.

All the love that she had all her life, began to pour off all over him. All her days, her nights were only dedicated to his happiness ! All of her deep seeded love that was once crushed/crumpled/locked, was now breathing fresh air!

All the prayers were finally answered. The best ones do take time to come in is something that was proved to be true beyond limits.

Days, months, years passed by and there love had no limits now, it was only increasing if that was even possible to happen.

IT WAS LIKE AN ENTIRE OUTER LAYER OF HER HEART WAS PEALED OFF BY HIM TO BRING OUT THE PURE ONE.

It was a dream that the both of them were living.

THE ENTIRE WORLD FULL OF PEOPLE AROUND WAS INVISIBLE TO THEM NOW.

THEY WERE THE LIGHTS TO THE DARK NOW.

THEY WERE THE HOPES TO LIFE NOW.

THE DRUG OF THEIR POWER WAS FIGHTING ALL THE DISEASES NOW.

HE WAS THE BEST DOCTOR TO HER PAIN….

HER EYES, HER SKIN, HER HAIR, HER BODY WAS THE MOST RAVISHING NOW.!

SHE HAD BECOME THE PRETTIEST OF ‘EM ALL.

But…….,

Now he has moved to a far off land, where she can’t find him…

What does she do ? How does she live ?? Which door should she knock now ??? Who will help her ???? When the world has never treated her right, then why did he have to go now ????? After such a long struggle and finally holding on to what she wanted, how does one let go ??????? Where should she start the search from ?????? Where should she wander now ??????

ALONE! YET AGAIN. WITH ZERO FRIENDS. JUST A DRUG. THAT KILLS!

She is now turning into a zombie with no flesh on her skin, with dark eye lids like she hasn’t slept in peace ever, with her cheeks having no charm now.

Help her! Tell her what is it really that should be done…

COME BACK MY PRINCE!

LIKE EVERY FAIRY TALE, BRING A HAPPY ENDING TO US!

LET US LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND EVEN AFTER THE AFTER…

LETS TAKE A WALK ON  THE PETALS OF MY EVERY WISH THAT YOU WILL MAKE COME TRUE.

LETS SYNK ARE BREATHS TOGETHER TO BRING MORE OXYGEN TO LIFE.

LETS PLAY THE TUNES OF OUR HEART BEATS AND DANCE TO IT FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!

YOUR LOVE! MY DRUG!!!

BRING ME THAT HIGH ALL OVER AGAIN.

LET ME NEVER GET OUT OF IT.

LET ME FIND ALL MY ANSWERS IN IT!

Moral of the story is : The chances of meeting someone whom you can be your worst with and not mind are nil to negative but when you do, don’t ever let that person go.

#addict #love #abused!

EVEN IF IT KILLS, LET ME INHALE ALL THE LOVE THROUGH ALL OF YOU!

 

 

{(Technical Tears<'(

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KEEPING COUNT OF THE TEARS FLOWING

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<Body>

When it comes to emotions , how is it possible for one to be technical ? How does one hold on to them tightly ?? How to not show it out to people ??? How can feelings be practical ???? What happens when the applied science meets the sentiments ???? What is the end product ?????

SOUL IN HALF ???? (to be high-tech?)

Have we engineered the pain that bad ?? Is our knowledge of addiction based on the Thumb rule ???

Is our heart nothing but two semi-circles and a triangle and are we to calculate its circumference ????

Or is it that the complex theory of fervor coming together to prove that L.H.S. equals R.H.S. ????

<Body bg color=”#000000″ text=”heart in soul”>

Is the law of gravity dominant even over our souls ? Is this why it feels heavy ? Imagine a truck full of tears ripping of the soul by falling on it !!!!

Are we really staging our tears to fall out ????

<b> ARE WE BURYING IT IN OUR SOULS THAT CAN ONLY BE LET OUT WHEN THE PEEP HOLE OF MECHANICAL FAILURE DROPS OUT ??? </b>

Is this why we are generally referred to as “strong” individuals ? Because we control our emotions ?? Because its this tough to stream it in front of people ???

Is this why tears are considered to be a weakness in one, while standing tall accepting realities of life considered as much of strength ????

If compared, guys are considered to be tougher than girls because girls are emotional fools! But then at the same time, there is no other stronger force than a girl/women on this planet, hence, i’m confused !

In all the theories, how is this never proved ???? How has this just never come to any one’s notice ????

<b> WHERE IS THE ERROR ??? </b>

I hope that some one some day finds an answer to it^

However, coming down from a diameter of the Earth to a radius that confines me, the bugs inside me were fixed by this one developer who entered my life a few years back! He, with all his tippy tippy typing, running his fingers through my code, fixed and pop-opened what all that was creating a “force close” inside of me. Irony!

He set me up so well to his structure that I could only function through his style of coding. I would laugh when he would, i would cry when he would, i would play when he would, i would sleep when he would, it was a classic example of yet another theory of being “Directly proportional.” It was uncanny how i got so perfectly synced to his behavior.

<b> <i> I BECAME THE PERFECT APPLICATION TO HIS CRYPTOGRAPH. </i> </b>

As of now, i can display nothing to the world right now. Except the involuntary tears because i understood that everything can be mechanical but not my tears. They still have a residue of his lessons to me. I know he is building our future somewhere at the upper west side but i don’t know…

On what terms and conditions should i be working now ?

What should i portray to the world ?

Apply the BODMAS from your body to subtract all the sins, add all the madness to divide our multiplied pleasure in our hearts!

All the keys inside me are breaking one by one. I need to be encrypted to you!

I can’t do the sobbing in a specialized manner.

I need the intensity of your brain in my software.

I need you to make me all your’s in Android, iOS and the Windows that get me a way to your soul.

I need those hours back of you spending time on me, i promise you to get the best investment..

<b> THAT WILL GET YOU ENOUGH MONETARY POWER TO LAUCH ME (IN YOUR ARMS) </b>

Just come now .

Series A (shia) is waiting to come. (an inside deal that only he will understand).

Hit “play” to US!

Write down a perfect “script” and “hack” the “virus” thats fiddling with us.

Pick the “basic java” and explode the lava that just can’t control itself anymore..

Hold me through that web of artificial intelligence to bring the real life back inside me and consume all my pain in your wonderful wide web (www).

Let me see through your eyes how “transparent” a code can get when you look at me.

Pick all the cards from trello and move them to our future to ace it.

And i wish for more power to our algorithm, which will rock of course since your touch can do wonders.

OH! Now i get it. You are actually a perfect blend. Your brain (technical) and your touch (tenderness) come together , so you are the one who proves this theory. You are the only one who does it right. You are trained to show how much, what and when! Its a perfect blend of the both in you. You are made correctly for me.

In your absence, i must tell you though that the amount of bugs have increased to a lot more that can be imagined, the site/app (me) is now down. The server is just not responding and the program has just disappeared to show anything to the viewers.

No matter how many ‘plus’ (+) signs the “C” adds to itself to make it C++++, don’t ever get distracted to C (see) what on earth will i ever have to show you through me..

<b> THE FLOW CHART OF THE ENTIRE WORLD FOR ME ONLY CONSISTS OF YOU </b>

Why don’t you come and fix all of it?? This time, a hug will fix all the technical errors inside me..

<b> I WISH THAT IN ONE GO, OUR CODE COMES OUT TO BE IN A PERFECT EQUILIBRIUM AND SHAPE AND SIZE JUST LIKE YOUR SOUL…. </b>

Convert MySpace to OurSpace because you are the “source” to “my code” and i know that the computer will only understand binary but trust me , this time a little bit of 143 will do no harm to it.

Just give a green signal to my finger with a “Ruby” to track our lives “on Rails” for it to reach the final platform.

Press and enter my heart already to generate a perfect apk and may the QR Code be replaced by a PR Code ❤

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A Heartless Heart to Lost Love!

The STRUGGLE! The fight of completing one full month gets over today, and word press drops me a happy e-mail reminding me of a one month celebration of being in this tight spot lyrics down relationship with this blog. I don’t know what to celebrate really. I don’t know where to go. I don’t even know how i have survived through these 30 days. Gosh! Every single minute of everyday when I feel my heart, it’s racing ! Trust me it would win the Olympics to break Bolt’s record . It is always that fast. I knew that i wanted to run away all this time but my heart seems to follow me through it too. I am weak and so is the system inside me.

Why did you have to go ?

Seeing the sun every morning, trying to find the lost shine of the stars from the previous night reminds me of how i have missed you every dam morning.. the shattered shinning tears from last night try to find you in the same way the next morning .. the ones that leave a mark on my pillow !

The sun gives me an inspiration but i don’t have that much power in me!

Every single time, I spot a beggar on the street , i feel the craving for food he has, like he hasn’t eaten a thing from days now, that hunger! That hunger inside me for your love is growing by each passing day..

Seeing the madness of a sportsperson for that one Golden point to win the match, you know when you heart , eyes and soul come together for that one point and you only wanna ace it, that moment, is every moment for me during the day when i see the clock! You are my Golden Point to win this series of Life.

Every when i wonder how new borns are left to swim their way out of the deepest of water, and the way they give their everything to get out of it, that feeling floats in me through every second of every minute of the day!

Knowing how automatic the breathing process of every individual is, so effortless, like you know its there, no matter what you are doing, like you might not even realize the fact that you are breathing but then you are, that! That you might forget about it but it won’t. Exactly like that you are on my mind. And trust me its so automatic that even in the deepest sleeps (which barely happen), you are there.

You know how when a new born baby, for a couple of months wakes up crying his/her lungs out because its said that they might be having dreams from the previous birth ? I feel like that. Supremely scared from time to time, when i know that my mind is not working and all i want at that time is that my heart to be understood, because its then that its beating all through me! My neck, my hands, my shoulders, my stomach, my tongue, my legs, my fingers, everywhere all i can feel is the heart.

ITS LIKE MY BRAIN FREEZE IS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF THE COLD HEART!

When i feel each and every droplet of sweat on my body, i want that to be covered with that of your’s! Its not too tacky for me. Its not icky for me. Its just a wonderful craving that my body has for you.

Why exactly did you have to go miles away from me ?? I’m home less now ! I never knew that i would be in such a mess that i will make one of myself.

TWO WORDS THAT I WOULD (IF) GOT A CHANCE TO OMIT FROM THE DICTIONARY WOULD BE : LONG and DISTANCE!

How long is this distance ? Where does it begin from ?? Where does it end ??? What about the route ??? How bumpy is it ???? Who created this distance ??? How to know where to meet ??? What if one gets lost in the middle ????? What if the distance keeps getting wider ?????

These two words have broken so many relationships that i wish that i can break the meaning of these from the hearts of people!!!!

Dam you!!!!!!

Where do i take this heavy mind of mine ?? A mind full of all the negativities possible. The mind that is so vulnerable. The heart that has no idea of whats happening now. The blood that just wants to bleed. The hair that wants to be snatched. The frustration that keeps coming out and finds no end. The room that is locked in my brain. The eyes that only want to pray, The hands that really only want to be folded in front of you Oh Lord! I don’t know what i am doing, what i am writing,

But all i know is that in order to find him, i have become direction less. Its like my heart is blind folded. Navigate me to his heart for all i want.

I want to thank you for residing all the patience inside me. I want double of that to survive now.

I wish that our souls meet to heal each other soon.

i want to make our lives colourful by our collision the way the sun and the unattended drops are rain in the atmosphere come together to make a rainbow!

I wish that hunger to meet food, those eyes to get more hope, those hands to stop shivering, that heart to stop scaring, and so on and so forth because my fingers are giving up right now. Because my eyes are shutting down in pain now. Because my fears are lighting up now and because its time to survive another night now with a hope to cater the shining stars tomorrow morning!

Oh and Happy One Month……..

Heart Pounding…. core… YOU….

Words falling out…….

WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MUSICAL NOTES TO BRING THE RIGHT BEATS BACK TO THE HEART!

<         distance        3

#champion

The Crooked Truth

In this huge wide world where love is only considered to be a myth, except for the fact that exceptions are always there , what are the chances of exceptions existing in exceptions ??? If we consider that In a probability of a 0.00001% chance of meeting someone you really cant afford to live a second without , will it mean that there will be an exception to that too?? What will be the exceptions to this 0.00001% ? What will be the chances of a great exception to take place in the world of even greater expectations ? Is that what they call miracle ??? In other words , what I mean is that since the chances of finding someone was an exception in the first place, does it mean that it will never be an easy to conquer love ? And out of the many more exceptions, there might be a possibility that you may not end up with that person at all ??

Are there exceptions to Soul Mates too???

Is this why it’s always considered a sin to have expectations from these exceptions ???

Are the expectations and exceptions having a crooked relationship????

Harder exceptions would mean higher expectations now is it ?????

In all this , what should be our plan of action ?? Should the road map be twisted too? What angle will be the perfect one ???? Will it mean the humping of our Soul ????

Why are we always mentally so hooked to the crooked truth ??????

Sometimes I feel like running, literally and keep at it till the end of the world , not catch a breath , and just lie there somewhere waiting for him to show up in order to witness the thirsty/exhausted/lifeless side of me. Probably that will get my mind off this the distorted truth. But before we jump to find any solution/way to this opaque end, what will be the roads like ?

Are the roads reminding us of the unsynchronised illusions of expectations and reality ????

Come to think of it , there are always bumps on it , sharp turns, edges , and it’s never a straight one. Curves are what makes the roads a little less prone to accidents , but does it mean that even our Soul should bend over too ????

That the soul that we contain must wait and have patience through all the honking/traffic and pollution before we get to it ????

Talking about roads , DISTANCE plays another important role to a weaker soul now isn’t it ????

Today I feel like I am representing expectations and he is representing exceptions! Because every single time when I push myself into him , he just seems to be a little more further away than what he was .

The time is the crooked of all is my conclusion of it.

This reminds me of titanic ! It reminds me how unexpectedly it was the most crooked sight to watch in the history of love! So much for the expectations…

But then , everything said and done , what is it that we should do ? Should I be setting an alarm when the right angle is gonna bring both us together ??? I know one thing for sure that , there might be exceptions all the way but not one to his soul . That cant be replaced . It is like it’s there where I will find a beginning to the new world .

Even after so many years , when I look at him , there still is so much to explore probably that’s the exception in him. He is an exception to man kind . He fixed the contorted me.

Lets just fix the both of us with just one crooked ring to set a thrawn to throne !

Let us make an exception of our own to give birth to a whole new set of expectations and that be the truth to the history of love .

I cant wait any longer .. lets build a new road cut short the distance between us! The distance which is so crooked that it has a power to consume the both of us.

Let there be an exception to time travel/birth/magic/craze/fumes/madness/ sparks/distance/celebration and let all of it come meet us in one sole moment to cherish for a lifetime of expectations !!!

Let us find a trick to the tricky love because the very phrase “falling” in love is tilted.

🕤🕟🕚🕕🕓🕙🕔

The Trauma That Tickles

“A phenomenon where one giggles through the pain ….”
In a world where people want everything that is perfect , just as simple as a perfect day , it really is not when it comes to achieving it, you know when you just put a smile on your face to go through that day, to pretend that you are happy but are you really ? ? If you are fortunate enough , you will end up finding a good day to yourself but even then it just wont be as perfect , because there will be one bad thing that will happen and at the end of the day , that will be stuck in your head ! Or if the luck really favors you against all the odds , then you might just really end up finding the perfect day .. But ,
Question : How and Why are we thriving for a perfect life when something like a perfect day is so hard to achieve ?? Is there a single person in the whole world who has ever achieved the perfect life ? Then why are we putting so much pressure on our lives for the same ?? Is the hype of an A1 life to have really worth it ? Are we learning nothing from the experiences of the experts ???? Why are we still fighting the race ??? Even the richest person in this world wont have the perfect life ! So are we blind ????
Probably because its the purity of the Soul gives birth to this fantasy called Hope ! For instance ; The reason why when the heart is so fragile and still makes it self stronger, is Hope ! Why when a family loses “the main” in a war down at the border , they still don’t stop living this insane circus called Life, is Hope ! And its so strange that it does not matter what age group you belong to because it can be a child who fails a year and has to repeat the same year and of course he does it because of Hope to pass next year, and similarly when your grand mom cooks you the best food with her quivering hands so that you come back and visit her soon is because of Hope ! So the only thing which is common between all of us round the globe is THAT SOUL WHICH RAISES THE HOPE . No matter how different our cultures, our backgrounds, the places where we come from may be , this is the only thing which remains constant. And hence , it wont matter if you speak French or German or Spanish because in order to understand The Hope, there will absolutely be no need for a language .
IS THE HOPE > REALITY ????
If this is the case , then why do we stick to the bad part of the day and ignore all the good parts which were making it perfect ? Are we psychotic????
IS THE TRAUMA EATING US ????
Damn right we are , at least I know that I am and I can feel it eating me too. From the past few days , every single time when I stand in front of the mirror , I see my self turning pale by the day , feel like raising the famous : “mirror mirror on the wall , who is the blanched of them all??” All I see are rough patches on my face that are making a route/path for him to come back . I don’t see my reflection in it anymore .., “The Mirror Law” scares me and I think that this is the reason why I am scared to stand in front of it to see my own self . Even my heart does not respond to me at times ….
Wait , so now I can connect the dots .. its because My Soul is far away from me ! Just because my soul is not inside me , I have become the worst enemy of my own self . My Hope ! My Power ! My Solution to all the anxiety ! My Strength to chip up and walk like I own this world ..!
YOU HAVE TO BRING ME BACK TO LIFE ! YOU HAVE TO .
ITS LIKE YOU ARE THE AQUA GUARD TO THE GROWING BACTERIA IN ME which needs to be killed right about now !
Because I have no idea on how Life is really working because it’s said that “life is too short” and yet it is gulping in everyone’s bodies and still growing in several other bodies. How can life be so lifeless ?? Its because of you that he is miles away from me , to bring me a “perfect life.” To bring us a “perfect life.”
Come back now , come and bring an end to this pain !
Let me draw you a map with a shortest route possible through my veins/nerves in my body,  just travel through my blood already and come back to where you belonged all along . 
To Life,
Kindly stop all suffering , the wars , the destruction, the illness. Be simple . Be life like like your name suggests because it’s because of you that the feeling that started off as ‘butterflies’ in my stomach have in today’s date converted to ‘traumatic tickles.’
Don’t think of it like I am putting all the blame on you because we are in the “Age Of The Downfall” but for the ones who deserve the real you , lift them up,  pick them and fill there cup.
I wish that You gel up with the light of Hope driven by the Soul and make this world a brighter place to live in . A place where perfect lies are as difficult to make as it is to make the burden full perfect life . 
Because imagine that you yourself are full of lies because there are are two statements that describe you the best and both of them condradict each other :-
1) Life is too short
2) Life goes on…. (no matter what, but life goes on …..)
Really ??????
Thanking you
Your’s Truly
Human!