The Border Of Freedom…

A wish to fly, to be free, the smell of independence, such a merry 2 days ago! What a celebration! The colors that hold India, the undying spirit, the thrill, the vibes that brought the entire nation one, the sky having all kinds of colors, the madness, the kites wanting to go beyond the sky, the love for the country, ..

Yet not powerful enough to set me out of the cage!

In all the celebration, the twitching of the wings wanting to get out of that cage was like slow death. Wanting to get out of there and step closer to the border in need of reaching out to him was more towards being independent.. , so much for the tenor of Independence!!

Yet I felt like I was residing in the painting of some artist!

Like the only place I was happy in was someone’s drawing in some part of the world, because he kept me right next to him and thats all. Trapped in that art work! Still! No movement! Probably a drop of paint trickling down my eyes that went un noticed in all the other colors that were being celebrated that day!!!

Yet I felt like a mannequin outside a well lit fashion store!

When everyone stepped in to shop for the festivities, I stood there tricolored, wearing the zeal all over myself, but unachievable, the entire world came in, but my freedom didn’t. So I stood there expressionless between all the smiles. Some wanted to take the clothes off of me, but no one wanted to take me home!!!!

Yet I felt like a television per say!

Projecting so many emotions of sovereignty, of liberalization in 100’s of channels that switched through me but still couldn’t project that one particular emotion I actually possessed.

Yet I feel like a scar !!! A big scar on someone’s wrist probably ..

So stable yet the only thing that has a free flow through it is blood ! It’s not the scar is at one place just like my body but the blood flows just like the rush inside me. Regaining and reliving the spirits of Independence for crying out loud.

And how could I ? He was not a part of the country’s freedom that day so how could I even think of being a part of the same ??? How can my country be free if its not for him ??? I cancelled it out. I was feeling more of a slave than ever. Suppressed by the pressure of celebration .

What is Independence I asked? How exactly was our country free ?? The population of India doesn’t even have the freedom to be happy when they want to, not beg if they don’t want to, not go to the office next day if they don’t want to, not get sick if they don’t want to, not hold a grudge against each other , not split if they don’t want to. In my case, marry the one I really want to. We are all just slaves to something or someone somewhere so why fake the freedom ???? What is it that we are free from ???? The expenses each day kill us, so does the heat! I mean just wanting to put up a perfect show for the sake of freedom ate me up the entire month prior to the dam day at school. So ? Is this a healthy freedom? I doubt.

WE ARE SURROUNDED BY THE BOUNDARIES THAT ARE ALWAYS ON FIRE. A LITTLE BEND AND YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF CONSUMED BY THE SPARK!

Conclusion 1 : The freedom is only present in the womb of a mother is what I conclude looking at it all, because you have no idea what you are gonna get into the second you get out of there, out of the closed freedom. In the books you might be getting yourself free but according to me, you are just entering the subjection. Thats the place where the actual freedom lies.

I felt thoroughly bad from deep within when I looked at the army of soldiers, not just that day but every time when I do. They are away from their loved ones, not even so much as even a contact with them for months, their wives, children, fighting! How and what makes them do so ??? They are the only ones that are actually born with super-natural powers! Not batman or superman. They are doing all this for the sound sleep of people they don’t even know or will not probably ever meet. So my salute to them. Living away from the family is something I don’t think any of us can even think of.

Conclusion 2 : When you enter this world, the next place for me to find freedom would be his arms, when he holds me in his arms, thats the tightest freedom I could ever imagine. Not even clothes binding us. Just the bodies coming together so stiff that even the air can’t pass through, thats the suffocating freedom I love. Sweating through it… Not having such a feeling from months/years is something that always admired me of them, so a big salute to the army^

I felt like a handicapped personnel myself in the urge to fight the border to get through him. I wanted to break all the barriers that came in between for the freedom I craved for. I wanted to jump that border to get to his arms of freedom. I would use all the weapons that I possibly could to get there, I would be the one man army to the Independence of my dependence. For how long should I keep sitting on the border through all the weathers that change and no food ? I want to break it all to get to you in any way possible now.. I can’t take this war any more.

Time to team up! Time to be together on any one side of the border! USA has had their freedom and so has India this year..

Yet we haven’t secured that of ours being very much a part of so.

So what kind of freedom was it till our souls are not set free from within ????

An a’R’my to ‘P’eace is what I oath for this In”dependence!”

Let the power of love overcome the love of power!

Cross the border and come to me ..

 

The Chaotic Echoes

Riding somewhere between all The hustle! The mess! The Chaos! The tension! The cynical mind set! The rush! The crowd! The surroundings of the atmosphere that are so suffocating that all you can feel are drops of sweat sliding down your veins, leading to the heart and becoming a slow poison to your soul, The sounds in your head! The noise! The thoughts! The pressure! The feeling that you are literally throwing up in your head! So hammered! The Echo! The precision of the excruciating knock in there that you are constantly having in a day, has made me a lifeless soul! Weak in the legs, moist in the eyes, lose in the arms, and dull in the body kind of a person.

The jammed from top to bottom of the body that you have got to live with. Rust consuming the whole system, no space for any movement even for one second. The maddening mind full of thoughts that are eating you up pretty good. No! It doesn’t stop reverberating for one drop dead second. So harsh. Continuously ringing. Not letting you concentrate. Ending up making you a psychopath whom no one can help!

NOTE 1 : THE BLAST IN THE HEAD IS SO NON PERISHABLE UNLIKE EVERYTHING ELSE                     ABOUT THIS LIFE THAT TENDS TO DECAY AT SOME POINT!

All you can hear all day is the bang! How do I lift it off ??? How do I unload the piled up thoughts in my warehouse ????? How do i calculate the cost its costing me to have them up there ???? What about the depreciation that its causing ???? Who is maintaing the accounts that i am accounted to ????? Why does it feel like a shit load of debt in here ???  Where does all the packaged material go ??? The ones that have not been explored yet ????

NOTE 2 : ITS LIKE AN ENTIRE FACTORY BURNING UP THERE WITH THE SCARCITY OF                        WATER. NOT A DROP OF IT!!!!

Should I call in for bull dozers with all sorts of tools to cut my head off already ???? Or should I let the deadly thoughts make me a maniac and do nothing about it at all ???? Where do I go ???? Where do I find just the right amount of rest ???? Why are the alarms alarming my soul in the worst way possible ?????

*Sigh*

Its wondrous that there is not so much as a pause button up there either! Its a constant play that has been hit and some virus has attacked it so traumatically that now it can’t be controlled. The more I control it, the more it gets affected by that dreadful virus. The system is probably hacked and I definitely have no control over it !!!!

NOTE 3 : THE ECHOES ARE SO ENTANGLED TO ONE ANOTHER THAT IT GETS ME                               DIARRHEA OF ALL THE WORST POSSIBLE CLUMSY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD                       THAT FRIGHTEN MY SOUL TO EXIT THE BODY!

Every word of what I have written so far is so literal in the meaning that even while I am here trying to rip it off of my brain, it still is blabbering non-stop in my tiny little room up there!!!!! I know it. I know the reason why this shitty little surface is punishing me for. And why not ??? Its punishing me for letting the boy leave for an imaginative dusty future that is yet to come in exchange of the present that is at this moment. This is why there is no solution to the disease in my head. This is why my heart is swelled of all the crying. This is why even in the most peaceful places that i go to, all i can listen to is the chaos in my head. It is now breaking all the doors to the tiniest bit positive left. The residue is falling off. My soul is horrified.

NOTE 4 : THE MUR-MUR OF THE THOUGHTS ARE NOW IN THE FORM OF TEARS THAT                     ARE TRYING TO FIX THE LOST MEMORIES BUT FAILING TO DO SO IN THE                           ABSENCE OF THE LOVED ONE!

Now, imagine the Pain! Just imagine the amount of it in my head all the time. No medicine or anything is able to cure it. The only cure would be his voice in my ears, his lips on my forehead! oh! how i miss it. His fingers pushing just the right buttons on my head. His counseling… Uggh! The list is endless. AND YET IMAGINE BEING BLANK AT ALL TIMES…

I want to embrace you in my brain to get rid of the filthy mind-f**king crap that is growing by the day and I see no stopping it. Our future will always remain in our future, its time to hold the present and make the most out of it.

Honestly you know, I knew it. I knew how tough it will be when you are gone, but this tough, its like i have ended up becoming the worst enemy of my own here without you. Shit! So much of importance you hold in my life that i would really love to not hold my breath as much as i want to hold you in my arms right now. Don’t keep me hanging to these thoughts., its risky out there!!

The Chaotic Echoes haunt me. They haunt me in the most spine-tingling manner. The most monstrous manner. From Life to death. Its all in my head in the most nerve-racking possible manner.

SOLUTION :  YOU! ONLY. YOU.

NOTE 5 : SO COME! A CRY FOR HELP FOR YOU TO SHOW UP AND TURN THIS “PAIN”                         INTO THE MOST  WONDERFUL ‘PAIN’TING THAT HAS YOU, THAT HAS ME, AND                 THAT ONLY ECHOES LOVE!

Burst this balloon of thoughts and convert the sweaty tears to joy that tickles!

P (screaming) R!!!!

 

 

 

Togetherness Of Separation

Like the Stars above…. together to the naked eyes, yet so further away from each other in reality!

Like the Dreams…. right there in our eyes, yet the most difficult to catch!

Like Art Work… on the canvas, yet too pretty to be true!

Like the Oceans…. so deep, yet on the surface level!

Like the Mountains…. the top most, yet not enough to touch the sky!

Like the Clouds… grey/white, yet too afraid to turn blue!

Like Music… melodious, yet enough to pinch the ears!

Like Tears…. transparent, yet the most visible!

LIKE DISTANCE…. FAR OFF, YET ENOUGH TO BRING TWO INDIVIDUALS TOGETHER!

Why can’t one be inspired by the Rain??? It travels the farthest distance i.e., between the sky and the ground, yet never fails to bring them together. Its like the only thing common between the two. It holds them like a thread too pure. It never gives up. Pours itself to the maximum strength it has..

Why can’t one be like Autumn??? The fall ???? The LEAVES, inspite of falling down, makes the most beautiful sight to watch! Till the second it hits the ground to its last breath, it LEAVES colors all over the place. Getting separated by the trees, yet spreading the joy.

Why can’t one be like Storm ???? So powerful, yet too weak to bring people together! It tries all that is in its strength to move everything apart, but what if we are wrong ??? Probably its nature’s way to bring US together ! Probably its just moving the distance between YOU and ME.

Why can’t we be inspired by the Roots ???? It is never able to even see whats growing on it, yet too selfless to transfer growth to the branches! Why ??????

Why is everyone becoming more like Distance ????? Why are we so fond of it that we are letting it grow ????? Why not cut it short rather than increasing it ???

ARE WE DEPICTING THE TOGETHERNESS OF SEPARATION OR SEPARATION OF TOGETHERNESS ??????

Is the closeness that our souls hold, are turning weak inspite of being the most dedicated of all in our bodies? What is happening to us ???? Why can’t I find even a clue to this Distance ???

HOW DO I SOLVE THIS PUZZLE OF THE BROKEN PIECES OF HEART INSIDE ME THATS CREATING A HUSSLE ???

Why are we being so tough to find a solution to ??

The Separation of the Present! The Togetherness of the Past!

Don’t know what the future is going to hold for us. What combination will it be….

Imagine a Bird, losing it’s feathers! Its like losing what it’s made for. The will to fly. So high! Are you going to feel bad if birds can’t ever fly?? Or Winds that can’t ever blow?? Or Peace that is never achieved ??? Or flowers that don’t ever blossom ??? Or butterflies with no color ???? Or Violin with no sound ???? Or Dancing to no beats ???? Or Theatre and no drama ???

OR ME WITHOUT YOU ???????

MY BREATH WITHOUT GETTING SYNKED TO THAT OF YOURS YOURS ! MY SOUL WITHOUT ITS MATE ! MY SPARK WITHOUT LOOKING IN YOUR EYES! MY WINGS WITHOUT YOUR PUSH! MY SECRETS WITHOUT EARS! MY FEARS WITHOUT YOUR SHOULDERS! MY IMAGINATION WITHOUT YOUR BRAIN! MY PERCEPTION WITHOUT YOUR REALITY! MY DARKNESS WITHOUT YOUR LIGHT! MY STEPS WITHOUT YOUR COUNTS! MY DREAMS WITHOUT YOU! MY HAPPINESS WITHOUT YOUR SMILE !!!!!

Being a victim of hicran over here!.. Turn it into a vuslat.

Why are we getting so lost in this separation that togetherness is a word without meaning ??? Even the term is losing its significance.

Imagine the notebooks I doodle US on. All of them, with pens of all colors, you don’t even know exist. Thats how separated we are.

Imagine the number of times I blink my eyes during a day, and how every  time if find you in that blink. You don’t know that, thats how separated we are.

Imagine the number of speed bumps my car hits a day, and how every time I am only able to cross it smooth because I think of you, but do you know that ? No! Thats how separated we are.

Imagine how with every bite that i eat and every sip of water that i need to consume in a day, I know i can go without it if i have you. But you have zero realization of that. Thats how separated we are.

Imagine how every morning/every night, is only dedicated to you in my head, it some times makes it difficult for me to even breathe, but do you know how much i love it ? Na.. Thats how separated we are.!

Imagine how when every single time i look at myself, at every place on my face or my body, I feel how you have touched me every where and I share the same color as you, I fall in love with myself, so can you really imagine how much i would be loving you ? NOPE! Thats how separated we are.

I never have words enough to describe what I have inside of ME for YOU, yet these words come to bring us closer to each other, but are WE ?

SO MUCH OF SEPARATION IN THE HOPE OF TOGETHERNESS TO SEAL THE TWO SOULS TO ONE BECAUSE TOGETHER WE CAN SEPARATE ALL THE BARRIERS/BOUNDARIES THAT WOULD EVER DO US APART!

Lets break the break-up of patching us up!

Lets separate the detachment and attach us up!

Bring me back my fallen wings drowning in the tears leaving my eyes!

By all means..

-LOVE … too tiny of a word, yet too vast to be explained!

P ❤ R

___________ BLANK!

Refer to ME as BLANK today!

Don’t have a word to write in and yet so much to say. So much to ask! So much to pretend to the world that everything is alright. So much for the plastic smile. So much for the hidden sorrows of my shadows. So much for the laugh that has no meaning. So much for the destructed passion. So much for the scary nights. So much for the longitivtiy for that soul to reach out for a little comfort.

What is it that you will fill up that “BLANK” with if you were asked to describe your Love in one word ????? Crazy ? Unconditional ? Pure ? Deep ? Infinite ? Painful ? Happy ? Romantic ? Lustful ? Spiritual ? Flexible ? Protective ? Egoistic ? Complicated ? Powerful ? Dark ? Imaginative ? Simple ? I know I can go on forever, but ,

INSPITE OF THIS BLANK BEING SO EMPTY, YOU WILL FALL SHORT OF WORD TO FILL IT UP WITH COMPLETELY!

And thats how hollow I feel on the outside. Irony! There is so much for the pain and cause on the inside that its flooding out but the desertedness on outside is spreading like fire. So much for the hot Love!

This “BLANK SPACE” is so heavy that it makes me wanna crave for words all day long. Its like i am fighting for a VACANCY ! The Emptiness. I want to be the top most candidate to fill it.

Do you think getting admission in this slot also has some kind of quota ???

In order to fill this blank with the word that describes your Love, do we really need to fall in one of the following categories of LOVE ? (in books)

  1. EROS being all about beauty and sexuality
  2. LUDUS being all about entertainment and excitement
  3. STORGE being peaceful and slow
  4. PRAGMA being practical and traditional
  5. MANIA about elation and depression
  6. AGAPE being compassionate and selfless

What if one is all of the above ? Why the categories ? Why the limits in this BLANK World ??? Why not being free to be who you really want to be? Love till even after beyond at all ? Why can’t one be all in 1 and 1 in the above 7 types ??? (answers)

  1. One can be pretty on the inside and bold on the physical front along with being (2.) funny and up for all the new things that comes along and be (3.) very calming and soothing with their eyes/touch and still be (4.) practical to get things done in a traditional manner by being (5.) elated by the love no matter the depressing situations around and yet be (6.) selfless. So much for the overpowering Love!

CONCLUSION : LOVE AND BLANK ARE SO SIMILAR TO EACH OTHER SINCE BOTH OF THEM HAVE NO BOUNDARIES ..

Why does it have to be so hard with this BLANK?? I think that I am so obsessed with it that I feel being so every day now. I am very much displaying all emotions through my face but is my soul in sync with it ???? Is my heart in their beating right ????

Is it for this reason that when a person dies, the monitor attached to that person shows a complete “BLANK??” Is it really just a myth about body problems when the actual reason is lack of Love ??? All of us want it so bad that when our souls stop receiving it, we fall short of life ~

I really cant stop wondering that this whole planet was “BLANK” at one point and then entered all of us to fill in the spaces . So are we all filling up the vacancies ?? Are we here to fill these vacancies with only Love and not Money ??????

Everyone says that we enter in this world empty handed and leave in the same manner. But i some how disagree. We come in this world with a lot of love even in those tiny little hands, and a lot of strength in those feet, they some how are so powerful that it can release any one’s tension in a fraction of a second. While leaving, who knows how much more Love we take with us. Imagine! Before entering this world when we knew no one, we brought so much of love, we made every one fall in love with us,, so how much love will we be carrying when we go!

CONCLUSION 2 : WE ENTER FROM A BLANK SPACE, WE COME IN TO FILL THE SPACES, TAKE OUR SPOT! LEAVE A MARK THEIR AND THEN LEAVE FOR A BLANK SPACE AGAIN..

It really should be wondered as to how this mechanism actually works!

Any way, the situation that we live in only calls for more and more and more and more of Love is what I can grasp from it. This feeling of giving and taking of Love between the souls is when the Gap/Blank actually fills, so never stop Loving to keep yourself going. No fights! No wars! Only pure and slow Love !!!

THOUGHT : SOME WHERE FROM “FILL IN THE BLANKS”  TO BEING A “BLANK OURSELF” WE ALL GREW UP!

So YOU! Where ever you are, location : somewhere in Big Apple, to be precise, FILL THE BLANK ROADS (long distance) BETWEEN US with whichever Love you want to^ with all the words that you want to to describe it^ with all of YOU! AND ONLY YOU.

BEFORE IN SINK IN THIS HOLLOWNESS.

I can’t take this fight anymore, I can’t be that dent anymore. Fill me up like a dentist fill all the cavities….

A single inch of gap between us is making a thousand yard boundaries of “BLANK” within me. I can’t do the face anymore. The world is scary!

The only thing that I want Blank is the bed where we lie. Not a single thing there. Just YOU and ME with all the above 7 types of LOVE to destroy the 7 Wonders Of the World round the Globe and make 1 of our OWN!

P _________________________ R