The Wait Awaits….

24 hours a day means 168 hours in a weak which means 730 hours a month which in turn means 8760 hours a year which would in turn mean 87600 hours in 10 years.

But, what does one do when every second of the day feels like a DECADE ? Quite literally! When every second is only haunting you to the core that you might lose yourself any second., that the time is poking you. The need of the hour is chasing the the present time to cure the pain inside you.

Who measures the time ? We all know that one minute consists of 60 seconds but what about one second ??? How does one really know about what a second comprise of ????

I feel like I am hitting a century every second and still losing by 876000 runs. The more I am fighting, the more I am falling behind.

I don’t know how exactly is the entire day passing me by because the value of every second for me is more than one could imagine.

For now all i know is that one single second is consisting of my tears, my unanswered questions, my heart who is always in a hope to see him come in, my fears, my weaknesses. At least thats how i measure them. At least that’s how I measure it…

When those seconds turn into days and months, I see my self turning into a psychotic monster who scares all those around her including her own self the most. That creature just keeps getting bigger and more powerful that its eating up everything inside me.

Every single time when i look at the time on the clock during several instances of a day, those three needles seem like three swords trying to kill me. They are so pointy, they don’t even wait for me to recover from the previous pain and just keeps moving.. And if it really is that fond of moving forward all the time, then why can’t it speed up a bit more ? Why can’t it bring him to me ??

What is the TIME trying to tell ???

Sometimes i wonder that its playing a game of hide and seek with every one individually. It can’t be a coincidence that when one is happy, it passes by too quickly and when one is deeply sad, it sticks! Its just swinging us all off like that pendulum that keeps hanging below it.

EVERY TIME IT TICKS , IT DOES ALL THE WRONGS INSIDE ME.

“Only Time will tell.” What is it exactly that the time is trying to tell ??? When will it tell us ? Is it telling us all something already but we are too worked up to listen to it ????

The very slight noise that vibrates through the needle that denotes seconds, is that the time speaking ? How can we listen to it ? Does the entire world have to come at peace at the same time and same place with utmost silence to actually listen to it talk ???? Will that be as they say “The Right Time?”

But what about the soul ? Is time not seconding what the soul wants ???

I sometimes envy Time because it has such a strong opinion that it will keep moving on no matter how much you get attached to it. Just like the way he slipped off through my hands, thats exactly how time is. Just like sand.

But then, how ???? How is it that at such a high speed, i can feel every tiniest bit of it ??? I find my self living in the memories from the past with him and the new ones I am yet to make with him, but the time in the present keeps reminding me of his absence that keeps haunting me day and night.

As the tears fall down my eyes every night and the pain boils up in blood just like right now, i again give a glance to the time and wish that he comes and embraces me up in a way that it feels like a MILLENNIUM JUBLIE!

One thing that i have learned so far is that, its not the Time that is ever worth it, its the person who makes it that way! For me, YOU!!!

Come before the weakness explodes, before bad becomes worse, before eyes lose their sight in you wait, before hope becomes despair, before colors turn black, before water turns dry, before sir shuts down, before voice breaks down!!!

BECAUSE EVERYTHING INSIDE ME IS SO ALARMED BY THE PRESENT TIME.

BEFORE THE TIMER GOES OFF AND BLOWS MY SOUL.

Because this weight (wait) is making my soul heavier by the day, because every fraction of me is much more accurate than any fraction that the second owns.

COME BECAUSE ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THE TIME STAND STILL!

 

<”(3

A Drug Tale

Once a upon a time, in a far far land away, lived a girl who was nurtured like one of its kind. So full of her life, aspirations, hopes, dedication and all good spirits to live life. She was the most loved one at home and the most hated one at school. She wondered what lead to the hate, where ever she travelled, where ever life lead her to, she was all by her own self. She could never form a friend because of all the hate. She was pretty and wealthy and talented but that was just not enough to please people around her. If that was not enough, she was bullied. It was like “The Cinderella” happening everywhere she went. She tried everything. Every. Thing. But still couldn’t figure out the reason!

Why was the entire world so jealous of her ? Why was she not able to cope with the requirements of the society ? Not one day she could stop sobbing about it. At nights she used to pray to God to help her make one friend at least. She used to, in a tiny little pink box which she also referred to as the dream box with all the glitters, wrote a wish on a paper and stored it in there. Every day there was just one wish she used to make, but it never came by!

Years passed by, but her prayers were left unanswered.

THE CHILDHOOD OF DUCK TALES WAS NOW CONVERTED TO DRUG TALES.

Every day was a new form of depression which was not portrayed enough. Every where she went, she saw people laughing together, crying together , having meals together and in such a huge space she just felt alone. The only one to not able to share all that she wanted to with anyone.

It was like a room full of lights and celebrations and all the merry but only she was covered in the dark, in the dirt. No one could see her.

Like she was untouchable.

Like she was the most unwanted one.

The only people she gained any attention from were guys/men who wanted her body. Who drugged her with the lust every moment. The eyes that saw her were full of that of an animal when they see its prey. That attention was not her style but the feeling of not being wanted by anyone lead her to such creatures.

Yet again, every night she used to pray to God that she is not like this at all. “Just give me a set of friends and i will leave all this. I’m becoming something that i am not.” Please just a few friends, i promise!

These prayers were like a drug she was addicted to, she never stopped trying , nor did she ever achieve it !

QUESTION : Why was it that she could never give up on the deal that she could never form any friends ? Why was it so hard for her ?? This infectious drug was reaching every part of her body but still, she wanted more of it. Why ???

“I AM NOT WORTH IT! I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND ONE!! I AM JUST GOOD FOR NOTHING!!! THE PROBLEM IS IN ME!!!!”

The drug used to aggravate her pain in the form of these lines sometimes.

EVEN SITTING IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR COULD NEVER HELP HER. SHE FELT EQUALLY ALONE IN FRONT OF IT.

HER OWN COMPANY WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.

Imagine not having a single person who can be termed as your friend in this spacious world full of people in the smallest of the spaces.

Hopes were turned down, aspirations stood no meaning.

Entered LOVE!

Sadly it exited the second it made an appearance because she was not ready for anything now. The negative thoughts of not having some one to count on had disappeared.

Deep inside her, she knew all the definitions of love, every rule of it in the perfect manner, everything just so accurate on how love would work because probably she never got a chance to show it to the world all this time but she was so scared to give it a chance that she never respected any guys love. She became a hard hearted person who was now only getting attention from a temporary squad of guys! They came and they left but she did not feel a thing now.

This continued for another couple of years. She was now a victim of the devil she never wanted to be. She became so heartless, so restless, but lazy enough to make this her lifestyle.

Tired of the pain, the prayers still continued,  the tears started exploding even more now, the pain increased, growing up was making it only tougher to not have any friends.

Then a category of boys came in who claimed to be her friends but always had an angle of exploiting her, Just having her!

She went crazy over it. She actually thought that they wanted to be her friends, so fragile on her toes, she did this mistake of judging them wrong not once, not twice, not thrice but a dozen times, maybe more than that!

The world started knowing her weakness now. And all of us know what the world is the best at! TAKING ADVANTAGE! And so, it began!

Went on for another two years….

ENTERED THE SOUL!

First time ever, she ever felt her soul. First time she could not feel her legs. First time, like some had actually swept the floor off. First time, an ear who would listen. First time, some one who was just there! First time in front of whom she could be her actual self. First time, that she was i think hallucinating. First time that ray of light .

She wasn’t sure if he was a friend but she knew how comfortable she was in his presence! She knew that she could just talk rubbish and he would listen to it.

He was the one guy who was missed in that array of being with guys to have company in the past.

He had appeared again and it just made her feel like this is why he was rejected earlier. Probably that time was not right. Now she was ready for him. He became a friend first. A perfect friend that she always wanted.

And then turned to be her Soul (mate) all together. The steam to her heat. The coal to her sins. The savior to her chills. The addiction over her drug. The drug to her life! The LOVE DRUG.! One individual who became not only her friend or her Soul mate but her family.

All the love that she had all her life, began to pour off all over him. All her days, her nights were only dedicated to his happiness ! All of her deep seeded love that was once crushed/crumpled/locked, was now breathing fresh air!

All the prayers were finally answered. The best ones do take time to come in is something that was proved to be true beyond limits.

Days, months, years passed by and there love had no limits now, it was only increasing if that was even possible to happen.

IT WAS LIKE AN ENTIRE OUTER LAYER OF HER HEART WAS PEALED OFF BY HIM TO BRING OUT THE PURE ONE.

It was a dream that the both of them were living.

THE ENTIRE WORLD FULL OF PEOPLE AROUND WAS INVISIBLE TO THEM NOW.

THEY WERE THE LIGHTS TO THE DARK NOW.

THEY WERE THE HOPES TO LIFE NOW.

THE DRUG OF THEIR POWER WAS FIGHTING ALL THE DISEASES NOW.

HE WAS THE BEST DOCTOR TO HER PAIN….

HER EYES, HER SKIN, HER HAIR, HER BODY WAS THE MOST RAVISHING NOW.!

SHE HAD BECOME THE PRETTIEST OF ‘EM ALL.

But…….,

Now he has moved to a far off land, where she can’t find him…

What does she do ? How does she live ?? Which door should she knock now ??? Who will help her ???? When the world has never treated her right, then why did he have to go now ????? After such a long struggle and finally holding on to what she wanted, how does one let go ??????? Where should she start the search from ?????? Where should she wander now ??????

ALONE! YET AGAIN. WITH ZERO FRIENDS. JUST A DRUG. THAT KILLS!

She is now turning into a zombie with no flesh on her skin, with dark eye lids like she hasn’t slept in peace ever, with her cheeks having no charm now.

Help her! Tell her what is it really that should be done…

COME BACK MY PRINCE!

LIKE EVERY FAIRY TALE, BRING A HAPPY ENDING TO US!

LET US LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND EVEN AFTER THE AFTER…

LETS TAKE A WALK ON  THE PETALS OF MY EVERY WISH THAT YOU WILL MAKE COME TRUE.

LETS SYNK ARE BREATHS TOGETHER TO BRING MORE OXYGEN TO LIFE.

LETS PLAY THE TUNES OF OUR HEART BEATS AND DANCE TO IT FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!

YOUR LOVE! MY DRUG!!!

BRING ME THAT HIGH ALL OVER AGAIN.

LET ME NEVER GET OUT OF IT.

LET ME FIND ALL MY ANSWERS IN IT!

Moral of the story is : The chances of meeting someone whom you can be your worst with and not mind are nil to negative but when you do, don’t ever let that person go.

#addict #love #abused!

EVEN IF IT KILLS, LET ME INHALE ALL THE LOVE THROUGH ALL OF YOU!

 

 

{(Technical Tears<'(

<Head>

KEEPING COUNT OF THE TEARS FLOWING

</Head>

<Body>

When it comes to emotions , how is it possible for one to be technical ? How does one hold on to them tightly ?? How to not show it out to people ??? How can feelings be practical ???? What happens when the applied science meets the sentiments ???? What is the end product ?????

SOUL IN HALF ???? (to be high-tech?)

Have we engineered the pain that bad ?? Is our knowledge of addiction based on the Thumb rule ???

Is our heart nothing but two semi-circles and a triangle and are we to calculate its circumference ????

Or is it that the complex theory of fervor coming together to prove that L.H.S. equals R.H.S. ????

<Body bg color=”#000000″ text=”heart in soul”>

Is the law of gravity dominant even over our souls ? Is this why it feels heavy ? Imagine a truck full of tears ripping of the soul by falling on it !!!!

Are we really staging our tears to fall out ????

<b> ARE WE BURYING IT IN OUR SOULS THAT CAN ONLY BE LET OUT WHEN THE PEEP HOLE OF MECHANICAL FAILURE DROPS OUT ??? </b>

Is this why we are generally referred to as “strong” individuals ? Because we control our emotions ?? Because its this tough to stream it in front of people ???

Is this why tears are considered to be a weakness in one, while standing tall accepting realities of life considered as much of strength ????

If compared, guys are considered to be tougher than girls because girls are emotional fools! But then at the same time, there is no other stronger force than a girl/women on this planet, hence, i’m confused !

In all the theories, how is this never proved ???? How has this just never come to any one’s notice ????

<b> WHERE IS THE ERROR ??? </b>

I hope that some one some day finds an answer to it^

However, coming down from a diameter of the Earth to a radius that confines me, the bugs inside me were fixed by this one developer who entered my life a few years back! He, with all his tippy tippy typing, running his fingers through my code, fixed and pop-opened what all that was creating a “force close” inside of me. Irony!

He set me up so well to his structure that I could only function through his style of coding. I would laugh when he would, i would cry when he would, i would play when he would, i would sleep when he would, it was a classic example of yet another theory of being “Directly proportional.” It was uncanny how i got so perfectly synced to his behavior.

<b> <i> I BECAME THE PERFECT APPLICATION TO HIS CRYPTOGRAPH. </i> </b>

As of now, i can display nothing to the world right now. Except the involuntary tears because i understood that everything can be mechanical but not my tears. They still have a residue of his lessons to me. I know he is building our future somewhere at the upper west side but i don’t know…

On what terms and conditions should i be working now ?

What should i portray to the world ?

Apply the BODMAS from your body to subtract all the sins, add all the madness to divide our multiplied pleasure in our hearts!

All the keys inside me are breaking one by one. I need to be encrypted to you!

I can’t do the sobbing in a specialized manner.

I need the intensity of your brain in my software.

I need you to make me all your’s in Android, iOS and the Windows that get me a way to your soul.

I need those hours back of you spending time on me, i promise you to get the best investment..

<b> THAT WILL GET YOU ENOUGH MONETARY POWER TO LAUCH ME (IN YOUR ARMS) </b>

Just come now .

Series A (shia) is waiting to come. (an inside deal that only he will understand).

Hit “play” to US!

Write down a perfect “script” and “hack” the “virus” thats fiddling with us.

Pick the “basic java” and explode the lava that just can’t control itself anymore..

Hold me through that web of artificial intelligence to bring the real life back inside me and consume all my pain in your wonderful wide web (www).

Let me see through your eyes how “transparent” a code can get when you look at me.

Pick all the cards from trello and move them to our future to ace it.

And i wish for more power to our algorithm, which will rock of course since your touch can do wonders.

OH! Now i get it. You are actually a perfect blend. Your brain (technical) and your touch (tenderness) come together , so you are the one who proves this theory. You are the only one who does it right. You are trained to show how much, what and when! Its a perfect blend of the both in you. You are made correctly for me.

In your absence, i must tell you though that the amount of bugs have increased to a lot more that can be imagined, the site/app (me) is now down. The server is just not responding and the program has just disappeared to show anything to the viewers.

No matter how many ‘plus’ (+) signs the “C” adds to itself to make it C++++, don’t ever get distracted to C (see) what on earth will i ever have to show you through me..

<b> THE FLOW CHART OF THE ENTIRE WORLD FOR ME ONLY CONSISTS OF YOU </b>

Why don’t you come and fix all of it?? This time, a hug will fix all the technical errors inside me..

<b> I WISH THAT IN ONE GO, OUR CODE COMES OUT TO BE IN A PERFECT EQUILIBRIUM AND SHAPE AND SIZE JUST LIKE YOUR SOUL…. </b>

Convert MySpace to OurSpace because you are the “source” to “my code” and i know that the computer will only understand binary but trust me , this time a little bit of 143 will do no harm to it.

Just give a green signal to my finger with a “Ruby” to track our lives “on Rails” for it to reach the final platform.

Press and enter my heart already to generate a perfect apk and may the QR Code be replaced by a PR Code ❤

<Body bgcolor=”FF0000″ text=”current heart in soul”>

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A Heartless Heart to Lost Love!

The STRUGGLE! The fight of completing one full month gets over today, and word press drops me a happy e-mail reminding me of a one month celebration of being in this tight spot lyrics down relationship with this blog. I don’t know what to celebrate really. I don’t know where to go. I don’t even know how i have survived through these 30 days. Gosh! Every single minute of everyday when I feel my heart, it’s racing ! Trust me it would win the Olympics to break Bolt’s record . It is always that fast. I knew that i wanted to run away all this time but my heart seems to follow me through it too. I am weak and so is the system inside me.

Why did you have to go ?

Seeing the sun every morning, trying to find the lost shine of the stars from the previous night reminds me of how i have missed you every dam morning.. the shattered shinning tears from last night try to find you in the same way the next morning .. the ones that leave a mark on my pillow !

The sun gives me an inspiration but i don’t have that much power in me!

Every single time, I spot a beggar on the street , i feel the craving for food he has, like he hasn’t eaten a thing from days now, that hunger! That hunger inside me for your love is growing by each passing day..

Seeing the madness of a sportsperson for that one Golden point to win the match, you know when you heart , eyes and soul come together for that one point and you only wanna ace it, that moment, is every moment for me during the day when i see the clock! You are my Golden Point to win this series of Life.

Every when i wonder how new borns are left to swim their way out of the deepest of water, and the way they give their everything to get out of it, that feeling floats in me through every second of every minute of the day!

Knowing how automatic the breathing process of every individual is, so effortless, like you know its there, no matter what you are doing, like you might not even realize the fact that you are breathing but then you are, that! That you might forget about it but it won’t. Exactly like that you are on my mind. And trust me its so automatic that even in the deepest sleeps (which barely happen), you are there.

You know how when a new born baby, for a couple of months wakes up crying his/her lungs out because its said that they might be having dreams from the previous birth ? I feel like that. Supremely scared from time to time, when i know that my mind is not working and all i want at that time is that my heart to be understood, because its then that its beating all through me! My neck, my hands, my shoulders, my stomach, my tongue, my legs, my fingers, everywhere all i can feel is the heart.

ITS LIKE MY BRAIN FREEZE IS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF THE COLD HEART!

When i feel each and every droplet of sweat on my body, i want that to be covered with that of your’s! Its not too tacky for me. Its not icky for me. Its just a wonderful craving that my body has for you.

Why exactly did you have to go miles away from me ?? I’m home less now ! I never knew that i would be in such a mess that i will make one of myself.

TWO WORDS THAT I WOULD (IF) GOT A CHANCE TO OMIT FROM THE DICTIONARY WOULD BE : LONG and DISTANCE!

How long is this distance ? Where does it begin from ?? Where does it end ??? What about the route ??? How bumpy is it ???? Who created this distance ??? How to know where to meet ??? What if one gets lost in the middle ????? What if the distance keeps getting wider ?????

These two words have broken so many relationships that i wish that i can break the meaning of these from the hearts of people!!!!

Dam you!!!!!!

Where do i take this heavy mind of mine ?? A mind full of all the negativities possible. The mind that is so vulnerable. The heart that has no idea of whats happening now. The blood that just wants to bleed. The hair that wants to be snatched. The frustration that keeps coming out and finds no end. The room that is locked in my brain. The eyes that only want to pray, The hands that really only want to be folded in front of you Oh Lord! I don’t know what i am doing, what i am writing,

But all i know is that in order to find him, i have become direction less. Its like my heart is blind folded. Navigate me to his heart for all i want.

I want to thank you for residing all the patience inside me. I want double of that to survive now.

I wish that our souls meet to heal each other soon.

i want to make our lives colourful by our collision the way the sun and the unattended drops are rain in the atmosphere come together to make a rainbow!

I wish that hunger to meet food, those eyes to get more hope, those hands to stop shivering, that heart to stop scaring, and so on and so forth because my fingers are giving up right now. Because my eyes are shutting down in pain now. Because my fears are lighting up now and because its time to survive another night now with a hope to cater the shining stars tomorrow morning!

Oh and Happy One Month……..

Heart Pounding…. core… YOU….

Words falling out…….

WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MUSICAL NOTES TO BRING THE RIGHT BEATS BACK TO THE HEART!

<         distance        3

#champion

The Crooked Truth

In this huge wide world where love is only considered to be a myth, except for the fact that exceptions are always there , what are the chances of exceptions existing in exceptions ??? If we consider that In a probability of a 0.00001% chance of meeting someone you really cant afford to live a second without , will it mean that there will be an exception to that too?? What will be the exceptions to this 0.00001% ? What will be the chances of a great exception to take place in the world of even greater expectations ? Is that what they call miracle ??? In other words , what I mean is that since the chances of finding someone was an exception in the first place, does it mean that it will never be an easy to conquer love ? And out of the many more exceptions, there might be a possibility that you may not end up with that person at all ??

Are there exceptions to Soul Mates too???

Is this why it’s always considered a sin to have expectations from these exceptions ???

Are the expectations and exceptions having a crooked relationship????

Harder exceptions would mean higher expectations now is it ?????

In all this , what should be our plan of action ?? Should the road map be twisted too? What angle will be the perfect one ???? Will it mean the humping of our Soul ????

Why are we always mentally so hooked to the crooked truth ??????

Sometimes I feel like running, literally and keep at it till the end of the world , not catch a breath , and just lie there somewhere waiting for him to show up in order to witness the thirsty/exhausted/lifeless side of me. Probably that will get my mind off this the distorted truth. But before we jump to find any solution/way to this opaque end, what will be the roads like ?

Are the roads reminding us of the unsynchronised illusions of expectations and reality ????

Come to think of it , there are always bumps on it , sharp turns, edges , and it’s never a straight one. Curves are what makes the roads a little less prone to accidents , but does it mean that even our Soul should bend over too ????

That the soul that we contain must wait and have patience through all the honking/traffic and pollution before we get to it ????

Talking about roads , DISTANCE plays another important role to a weaker soul now isn’t it ????

Today I feel like I am representing expectations and he is representing exceptions! Because every single time when I push myself into him , he just seems to be a little more further away than what he was .

The time is the crooked of all is my conclusion of it.

This reminds me of titanic ! It reminds me how unexpectedly it was the most crooked sight to watch in the history of love! So much for the expectations…

But then , everything said and done , what is it that we should do ? Should I be setting an alarm when the right angle is gonna bring both us together ??? I know one thing for sure that , there might be exceptions all the way but not one to his soul . That cant be replaced . It is like it’s there where I will find a beginning to the new world .

Even after so many years , when I look at him , there still is so much to explore probably that’s the exception in him. He is an exception to man kind . He fixed the contorted me.

Lets just fix the both of us with just one crooked ring to set a thrawn to throne !

Let us make an exception of our own to give birth to a whole new set of expectations and that be the truth to the history of love .

I cant wait any longer .. lets build a new road cut short the distance between us! The distance which is so crooked that it has a power to consume the both of us.

Let there be an exception to time travel/birth/magic/craze/fumes/madness/ sparks/distance/celebration and let all of it come meet us in one sole moment to cherish for a lifetime of expectations !!!

Let us find a trick to the tricky love because the very phrase “falling” in love is tilted.

🕤🕟🕚🕕🕓🕙🕔

The Trauma That Tickles

“A phenomenon where one giggles through the pain ….”
In a world where people want everything that is perfect , just as simple as a perfect day , it really is not when it comes to achieving it, you know when you just put a smile on your face to go through that day, to pretend that you are happy but are you really ? ? If you are fortunate enough , you will end up finding a good day to yourself but even then it just wont be as perfect , because there will be one bad thing that will happen and at the end of the day , that will be stuck in your head ! Or if the luck really favors you against all the odds , then you might just really end up finding the perfect day .. But ,
Question : How and Why are we thriving for a perfect life when something like a perfect day is so hard to achieve ?? Is there a single person in the whole world who has ever achieved the perfect life ? Then why are we putting so much pressure on our lives for the same ?? Is the hype of an A1 life to have really worth it ? Are we learning nothing from the experiences of the experts ???? Why are we still fighting the race ??? Even the richest person in this world wont have the perfect life ! So are we blind ????
Probably because its the purity of the Soul gives birth to this fantasy called Hope ! For instance ; The reason why when the heart is so fragile and still makes it self stronger, is Hope ! Why when a family loses “the main” in a war down at the border , they still don’t stop living this insane circus called Life, is Hope ! And its so strange that it does not matter what age group you belong to because it can be a child who fails a year and has to repeat the same year and of course he does it because of Hope to pass next year, and similarly when your grand mom cooks you the best food with her quivering hands so that you come back and visit her soon is because of Hope ! So the only thing which is common between all of us round the globe is THAT SOUL WHICH RAISES THE HOPE . No matter how different our cultures, our backgrounds, the places where we come from may be , this is the only thing which remains constant. And hence , it wont matter if you speak French or German or Spanish because in order to understand The Hope, there will absolutely be no need for a language .
IS THE HOPE > REALITY ????
If this is the case , then why do we stick to the bad part of the day and ignore all the good parts which were making it perfect ? Are we psychotic????
IS THE TRAUMA EATING US ????
Damn right we are , at least I know that I am and I can feel it eating me too. From the past few days , every single time when I stand in front of the mirror , I see my self turning pale by the day , feel like raising the famous : “mirror mirror on the wall , who is the blanched of them all??” All I see are rough patches on my face that are making a route/path for him to come back . I don’t see my reflection in it anymore .., “The Mirror Law” scares me and I think that this is the reason why I am scared to stand in front of it to see my own self . Even my heart does not respond to me at times ….
Wait , so now I can connect the dots .. its because My Soul is far away from me ! Just because my soul is not inside me , I have become the worst enemy of my own self . My Hope ! My Power ! My Solution to all the anxiety ! My Strength to chip up and walk like I own this world ..!
YOU HAVE TO BRING ME BACK TO LIFE ! YOU HAVE TO .
ITS LIKE YOU ARE THE AQUA GUARD TO THE GROWING BACTERIA IN ME which needs to be killed right about now !
Because I have no idea on how Life is really working because it’s said that “life is too short” and yet it is gulping in everyone’s bodies and still growing in several other bodies. How can life be so lifeless ?? Its because of you that he is miles away from me , to bring me a “perfect life.” To bring us a “perfect life.”
Come back now , come and bring an end to this pain !
Let me draw you a map with a shortest route possible through my veins/nerves in my body,  just travel through my blood already and come back to where you belonged all along . 
To Life,
Kindly stop all suffering , the wars , the destruction, the illness. Be simple . Be life like like your name suggests because it’s because of you that the feeling that started off as ‘butterflies’ in my stomach have in today’s date converted to ‘traumatic tickles.’
Don’t think of it like I am putting all the blame on you because we are in the “Age Of The Downfall” but for the ones who deserve the real you , lift them up,  pick them and fill there cup.
I wish that You gel up with the light of Hope driven by the Soul and make this world a brighter place to live in . A place where perfect lies are as difficult to make as it is to make the burden full perfect life . 
Because imagine that you yourself are full of lies because there are are two statements that describe you the best and both of them condradict each other :-
1) Life is too short
2) Life goes on…. (no matter what, but life goes on …..)
Really ??????
Thanking you
Your’s Truly
Human!

Lights! Camera!! Relationship!!!

“All the world is a stage, All the men and women are merely players, They have their exists and entrances, And one man in his tim plays many parts.” – Shakespeare

If the above quote by the legend himself stands corrected, and that all of us are after all puppets then, the question is what’s our role ? If we are playing different roles in different stages of our lives, then who knows when to cut a particular scene ?? Who enters and exits your life ?? How do you know who is constant ??? If some one is your friend forever, does that mean that he is playing a constant role in your life in one take without any cuts ? Similarly, if you ever thought looking at a person that they are gonna stay in your life but they don’t, whats that ? A learning ??? And who is keeping the record of the entire screening ? Why is it that this stage called life so full of do’s and dont’s ?? Who is writing the script down ?????? Technically if we look into the matter, we all have faith/believe in God, i have trust on him like no tomorrow but at the end of the day, no one has seen him, no one has encountered a conversation with him, its all in books and stories.. The purest form of air that we know of resides in us and all of are very much aware of it. Experiments have been done on it, and it actually observed leaving a body so this is something all of us are really sure of, THE SOUL!!! If thats the purest form of anything at all residing in our own bodies, then whom are we taking instructions from ??? Can’t we take the control of the camera (our own life ) in our own hands for a change ???

In a relationship, when you know how much you love that person, and the hearts are literally exchanged, and so our the souls, is this the reason why we end up giving all the control to that very person ? Is this why we end up being so sired to him ??? Does he end up becoming our new director now ? So we invest in the production, we obey the rules, we put our hearts and souls to make it huge , we be patient for the success while the entire society ends up becoming paparazzi’s trying to click a flick away, all sorts of acts are done to bring us down, but what do we do ? Whats the key to a HIT SHOW ? How do we know if we are going to make it to the red carpet to finally win an oscar ??? Is this why there’s never no coming back from your first true love ? From a heart break ?? Is this the reason that its never possible to bring the pieces together and stand up with all the courage to face the audience ???? Does it get this difficult to face the spot light all over again ????? Is this why one is never able to move on ???? What is it that the audience look for ? How does one know ???

So next up, what happens when you are almost living with your partner day in and day out and he is directing you very closely, each and every expression of yours is observed closely, and you are directed on every movement, slips ? Becomes distant ? Leaves the country ??? The question is who exactly is directing you now ??? He can’t keep a watch on you from that far, so what about the investment (emotional+physical+financial) ????

WHAT’S A PUPPET WITHOUT MARIONETTE ????

Just hanging there? like a rope attached to a fan with no movement ???

Even if its temporary, is it fair to be dead for that much amount of time ???

HOW MANY TAKES DOES ONE REQUIRE TO SHOW THEIR LOVE/ TO PROVE IT ??

And if it actually comes down to a one man show, then what is the hustle about ????

It is so crazy, sometimes i wonder that in the middle of this huge crowd of struggling actors/actresses, you actually end up with your HERO ???

He makes every day of your life a big hit, every fight of your’s so melodramatic, every time that you cry with him, even thats poetic, everywhere you go with him is a perfect location for the shot of LIFE! The only difference would be that it wont be reel but real that time and THE BEST FILM WILL COME OUT OF IT.

And trust me, when you actually do get on that stage, with a world full of audience watching you, millions of camera’s clicking you, and somewhere between a loud applause and a spotlight right on you, HE WILL BE THE BEST AWARD YOU WILL BE RECEIVING THAT NIGHT FOR A LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT and you won’t even realize it but cleverly he must have already put a spot (black one) somewhere down your neck to save you from the eyes of the world, because his eyes will be the only spotlight on you that will matter.

– AND CUT !

The Garbage Disposal (warning : a contaminated post)

Today, of all the days, I have realized how when you try to enter the life of any person, you give your everything to them and in return you take in all the crap that you did not sign up for. Some of which are acceptable, some of which are not but at the end of the day you know that you have a big pile of only garbage lying inside you which makes you dirty, you cant spill it out anywhere because then you will make the “environment” dirty, so you know that you gotta digest all of it or else you will not be able to survive a single day. This is what i feel today! A garbage can where each and every person around you/in your life is doing nothing but increasing the piles, sometimes i cant even see my soul in there. I know its a trash.

It is one of those trash cans where there are more 4 bins, one for each, one for plastic (i.e. Pain) you know because its recyclable, one for food (i.e. Love), one for paper (i.e. The blog), and one for cans (i.e. Alcohol). I know i am just recycling the pain with the help of alcohol and sometimes i vent it out here but the food side of it is so dam hungry that now it has started to increase its area down there, its food there in every can now and its scarcity of it is only consuming because its eating up from everywhere.

My soul, my dearest of all soul is not responding, i want to throw all this litter in one wash but i cant. Not any time soon like i had hoped for! You know the feeling when you don’t know how to swim and you are in the middle of the deepest oceans, Its worse right? I have the same feeling going on inside me, in fact its not even the water, all the scrap is consuming me. Counting the days when you can finally get your life back was one thing but when a load of grot weighing more than a 1000 pounds has been added to it. I may not be able to survive this. I may not be able to live even a second of this.

When you know that you will be taken care of so you call 911, but then they don’t find it very urgent sometimes so you realize that you are better off with your own filth growing inside you, somehow you make your peace with it. Imagine the terror.

I don’t know how exactly should i narrate my soul’s movement in there, its like very tiny but sharp corns in humongous amount are poking/pinching it. 24*7!!! They were there all these days but not as hard as today. Its punishing me for not cleansing it. There is not way out except death. Should i let go tonight ? I can’t stand on this cliff anymore waiting for him to return back when i know that the days are not reducing but increasing. Should i take the fall ??? Of course its all “rubbish” what any of you might take this post as but thats all i have got left inside me now. I wish my soul lives longer , please!!!!! It was finally living.

The more i try to escape from it, the more its consuming me. I today feel what hell must be like. Its like a swap full of leftovers. Leftovers from all the pain , and the new ones that are taking birth day every second of everyday. Time to kill the heart inside you, let go off the soul. I can’t let all of you be bitten by the crappy-monster. I can’t let the soul burn inside me.

I need to clean all the poison that is cultivating inside me. Ah! I can feel how everything is slowly decaying.. its choking me!

No questions today, just a conclusion : DON’T EVER OPEN YOUR HEART SO MUCH THAT PEOPLE MAKE IT A DUSTBIN!

Only if …….

– 🖤

Locked out of Heart or Locked out of Home?

When your mind is entangled with numerous thoughts and its hard to pick the one that will be in the best interests for you , whom do you count on ? Is it the pulse that speeding up or the curfew time to get back to where you belonged ?? Does the flickering of the eye enough to take you in the wrong direction ?? Is the fear inside you controlling the heart, mind and soul ???? Why is it that the reflexes are so perfectly co-ordinated with the fears???? It gets me really perplexed to understand if we are locked between the apprehension.

WHY CANT THE HEART BE THE HOME ??

Why is it that always you are supposed to pick one? Why can’t they both be synced just in the right amount of quantity to make a perfect dish called LIFE???

Is it just me or has it been the case with you too to fight a battle at HOME for your HEART ? What happens to the reflexes then ???? If they are so well trained since birth then why suddenly they are ready to fight the fears/the anxiety??? What brings the will to change in the address from Home to Heart ? Who knows if this residence is going to be permanent or not, but yet the willingness to face the twitchiness some how takes birth??

IS IT THE SOUL thats working in mysterious ways without hinting its talent to the world?

Has nothing changed from the centuries that prevailed to today ? Are we still nomads trying to fit in the perfect little Home that our Heart desires ?? Are we wonderers of our inclination ???

We keep the dearest things closest to our Hearts, then why and how do we get so drawn to the one who steals it? After all its the most precious one. It got me so full of my own thoughts that i wondered, which one to pick ? THE HEART OR THE HOME ?

Where would you like to trapped for the rest of your life ? Inside a Home that doesn’t understand you and crushes your soul but provides you with more than just luxury or inside a Heart that only knows to love and sets your soul free (post marriage)??

Is the generation gap just doesn’t mean the age difference but also the divergence between The Heart and The Home ???? When we have it all in our minds , then why is it entangled? Is it a victim of orthodoxsism? It may not even be word but fixes so perfectly with the rented mindsets of the society!

If money can buy you anything then why is the Ideal Home with no lost Heart so difficult ? How is it called a Home in the first place then ? Why the judgements for choosing the Heart after all ????

Answer : Being Locked in a jail behind the bars for the rest of my life would be better than Being locked out in “The Home” of skeletons ready to haunt you.

I mean its such a simple philosophy that if you can end up building a 1000 memories in one single room, then who needs a Full House ?? Is this the reason why getting married to someone called ‘Gamble?’

Why is the luck blamed for the jammed doors which are not ready to welcome you ???

Why can’t we just follow the path on drawn on our palms without questioning the ways of God, they don’t look as complicated now do they ????

As for me, i think that i already have chosen my Heart above everything a long time ago , and everyone except me knew that. Probably i was too scared to put it out of even a window. But the reason why i am able to tell this to all of you and specially to my own self is because of God for making me meet the person who had the key to my Heart and knew the road to follow his Heart since forever.

It wont be easy. But I will still continue to fight. In the tough times like today, I would still like to know that if one door is closing, its leading to the opening of the new one and I will keep fighting till not a single door is left to open.. Lets make a wish today and lock it in a lock key to confirm it forever..

LETS KEEP MOVING CLOSER, MEET THERE SOMEWHERE IN THE MID-WAY AND HAVE A COMMON KEY TO A COMMON DOOR!! AND LET THE PASSWORD BE ONLY KNOWN BY THE SOUL..

Just how there is no lock without a key, I know God made you for me.

May the Hearts rule to make a beautiful Home.

#heartarrest

P.S. : For every question, refer to the featured image of this post, every lock locked today is sealed for my blurred answers!!!

-PR

The Story Of Magnets

I always wondered, In the world where we, from the day that we are born, start getting attracted to little things around us, is it easy to say and yet the most difficult of all to get tempted to just one individual (soul) all your life? It got me thinking.., toys come and go at a certain age and so do shoes but why not “souls?” Why is it that once you get over a specific number, you ‘have to’ end up getting attracted to just one soul out there and never look back??? I couldn’t help it wonder, will it be just the right life if there is just one soul out there for you out of the plenty . How does one know if its the right soul for you? That it won’t drug/harm you? That it wont take advantage of you in tough times or ever?? That it will never abandon you??? That for all its worth, it will stay with you FOREVER ???

On a second thought, Is this the reason why it called THE ONE???? What kind of push is it exactly ??? Do all the laws of physics come together to hold you tight in those arms ???? Is the force rugged that your body lets lose ??? Is this why one is sired? Is the law of attraction so rebellious that it ends up listening to no one but the universe ??? Is this law even stronger than the law of Gravity ?? Do signs and magnetism come hand in hand??? Is it that every possible energy just makes you stand in the middle of no where finding him down on him knees????

BUT, DO SUCH HEROIC MAGNETIC SOULS EXIST ???

After a decade of being under the impression of them being extinct, i was more than just glad to be proven wrong. The mechanism is so magnificent that it ends up doing magic that is just out of anybody’s sense to understand. It feels like every fact that is stated about love ever feels correct.

ITS THE MAGNET THAT CREATES MATES. ITS THE STRINGS ATTACHED TO THE MAGNETS THAT HOLDS THE SOUL. AND ITS THEM TOGETHER THAT MAKES A SOUL MATE. A MAGNET IS NOTHING BUT A MAGICAL NET THAT KEEPS BOTH THE SOULS INTACT FROM EVERYTHING THAT BREAKS THEM. The net is so well knit that its beyond any one’s reach to pull a single thread out of it.

One thing is definitely confirmed though that there is a certain magnet in every individual’s soul., one might not end up finding the “perfect-opposite” (irony) in one go (since opposites attract the most) and it might take time but trust me all the time thats spent, is more than just worth it. Its that moment that counts till eternity.

Take it from me, i know men, i have known them all along, but this one out of the lot stood out so refined in his own way that i was hypnotized by the very charisma of his soul. You will feel the rush in your entire system in and out, you will breathe a lot better, you will sleep just fine, you will know that very instant because the universe will getting you all sorts of signs. And its the MAGNETS doing the MECHANISM for you. Nothing, and trust me nothing, not even a Distance Long Enough will have the audacity in it to break you! There will still be all sorts of sorrows lying around in the world, there will still be wars , there will still be a lot of pain and struggle and poverty but when you will end up sticking to your magnet, it will all just be fine out there for a moment and this is that moment that will count^ in the hustle.

I have never felt weaker than today, its said that the magnets need to always stay near each other in order to stick and even though mine is far apart on a map but its still as simple as closing my eyes for a moment and feeling it merged right to my inner self, to my heart, to my soul.

Everything is built around love it seems, even the magnets, because when they are kept close to each other but forced to not stick with one another, they palpitate/quiver and feel all kinds of sensation in one go, thats precisely me here without him. And suddenly when they are allowed to touch each other, they end up becoming insanely calm just like the touch of my personal magnet. The struggle however is always real before the “touch.”

YOUR MAGNET IS LOSING ITS CURRENT, COME AND ADD ALL OF YOUR CURRENT IN ME. LET THERE BE LIGHTNING, LET THERE BE AN EXPLOSION, LET THERE BE A PEACE AFTER THE STORM!

-Come (close) and lets embrace our own pieces of magnets in us to make our soul come to rest… to fix our half-hearted hearts to ONE!