The Immortal Addiction

The never ending dark nights, the undying fall from the eyes, his long-lasting fragrance that rushes through my hair.. on some windy day I find them rubbing on my face while I feel his presence… my passion for his arms to enclose me like a mother would to her baby in the womb… the peace to my ears while he shouts.. the cure to my wounds when he hurts me… the pull that I feel when he pushes me away…

Self-destruction being the only possible solution to my addiction at this moment, I long for the unfading memories that maybe on the verge of being a blur in front of his eyes.. I feel that the more he is getting lost, the more I am finding myself stuck in those memories… Is that normal ? Why can’t a soul process in the same manner as of it’s soul mate ? After all, they are mates for a reason. Then why ???? Why do they make a mess ?? Do the external factors have something to do with this ? Is it that living in different weather conditions, eating different kinds of food, meeting different kinds of people making souls to behave like this to it’s respective mates ? Is this why long-distance is the hardest circumstance a relationship can go through??? Are we insane to blame it to the distance and the time all together when the actual reason is hiding somewhere? Irony!

It would be just as hard to believe that I haven’t slept in a month and a half now, probably an hour or so here and there in a day but thats all, I see the enslavement being so dominant on my soul/my body that if I can’t be with him then I would at least like to be active in the hours when he is active somewhere around the globe like I just have to be wide awake if he is awake in case there is some trouble and he needs me, or not. How can I sleep while he is up somewhere ? And well when it’s time for him to sleep, I obviously can’t rest my eyes then either, because otherwise who will protect him in case a nightmare in his eyes sparks or he finds trouble sleeping ??? And oh! when he sleeps well, it’s like a sight of heaven to watch so who would miss that? Yes my eyes pain , they pain like they might go blind but it would be more than worth it and so its more of pleasure : correction!

There are prayers that I keep enchanting.. mantras, magic spells, conversations with the Almighty to give him all the share of my happiness ever, so I don’t smile much or laugh because that bit might touch his lips, and even if the ratio of that would be 100:1, i.e., his one smile to me not smiling for a 100 times when required, I would be the happiest person on Earth! Irony no.2!! So I decided, accidental laughs in a day would end up by me beating my self up for doing so, so there is a record that I have literally started maintaining now.

The pleasure in all of this is so much so that I feel like this was the very reason for my birth.. to provide him with everything that he wants and when he gets a hold to all of it, I as a whole become mortal. His dreams live forever through my death. Irony no.3!!! And why not ? That death would be better than this life thats somehow prevailing in his absence.

I sometimes end up reading on how to hallucinate in such nights , I feel like finding a power, a power through which I can try to feel him, his presence, his touch, something at least.. and if there is no such power then giving rise to one because just seeing him once becomes so necessary that I feel like the entire room, the bed, the walls, the mirror, everything is going to eat me up so I shout, I squabble, I change positions, I crush myself in different angels, then I pray to him, I keep taking his name till I get normal… his name has it, when recently I came to know that his first name means complete and his last name means God, I don’t know if thats the right meaning in the dictionary or what but he is one Complete God to me.!

Everything might deteriorate some day, the entire world, the destruction, even the planet, but somewhere somehow, my passion/my addiction/my craving/my compulsion will still be alive for you decades from now… It will keep you alive ALWAYS!!! My love for you will never fade R. May happiness be after you and not the other way round.

For now, if there is the slightest possible thing that you could do , then come and bring back my decaying soul back to life. Bring the light to the darkened nights. Only you have the power to do so my Love..

Just YOU!

FOR NOW. FOR EVER

And let the only thing mortal between US be the distance. Kill it ! Kill it now .

Let the dryness of our lips fill our souls up to be one .

I Love YOU. The Immortal Kind!

 

 

 

 

 

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