Imprisonment Of The Soul..

How do I start ? Where do I go ?? Who is going to listen to the voice I raise ??? The head that I break on every wall that has me???? The help I cry out for ??? The tears I take in.. The sweat that scrolls through the soul… The insects all around., the cockroaches, the lizards, that crawl on my whole body at night… The pealed off skin that has dried out now.. Where do I take the traces of this blood out of the four walls that contain me ? How do I escape when I am so trapped ?????

It was his heart that I was trapped in once upon a time, I was the queen there, it was the best place to live and love in. So red yet so calm in the soul. I could swim through the oceans of blood that flowed in there, I would drink it. And his blood tasted like heaven, like someone had brought me happy tears of God to taste. That was my way of living, and today I am behind the bars of a cactus.

Like every where I see are thorns. I feel like rubbing it/scratching it real bad against my face, cut my hair down, slice my body apart, break my nails off, rip the soul apart, twist the neck to 180 degree, and not ouch post that. Its a trap , a trap which no magic spell can break.!

Sometimes is all water in here, my tears fill the entire area in this prison and I keep drowning in it for hours.. At the same time, it is full of filth and the splashes of the dirt reck my face down. I hold on to my hair from both ends and pull them apart while i scream, but not a single soul is present out there to feel what i have got.

I try to fly but fall within seconds down right on the floor to hurt my deepest wound in my soul.

I pick up a paper, and a black crayon, and all that I do it color each and every spot of every page black. I do it with all the pressure, not s single white line that is left out. I keep doing it for days without realizing the presence of my own heart. I draw the eyes that are now stones that keep colliding with each other to make a loud noise. Everything in here is black, the wall, the notebook, the bars i hold on to, the roof, the floor, my face. I have colored that black too. Its like a re-birth in his absence.

Outside this prison , through the bars, all i see is a desk thats lying out and it has a phone kept on it. For hours, I find my self staring at it for his call, his message. I don’t think that his calls ever get through. Wish he calls, I will break all the barriers to reach his vibrations and in turn bring the vibration in my soul back.

For now, I have written his name all over my body with the black and a tinge of the blood that keeps dripping and use the tears that fall to make the colors look subtle. The walls have him, my soul has him!

Imagine being stuck in this empty jet black room for life!!!! It would be thrilling isn’t it ? I sleep in here with no clothes on imagine his name on my body is the only thing that shines in the dark . Just the body that is good for nothing anymore. So dark, just like the kajal that has wiped off my eyes, i look like a ghost while sleeping . I wake up to the noise of the drops of blood falling on the floor and the mosquitos that eat my ear up.

Then there are times when i want to light this dorm up, setting a fire here sometime would be a good option to my imagination. The black will turn to gold just like me when i come in contact to him. Hugging the fire would even give me a company.

I don’t feel the mornings or nights over here because there is no window, not even a hole to look outside. So i just sit in the corner on the floor and count the number of breaths i take in a day hoping that counting them will reduce its number the next day, i smell my blood and that gives me a high because it contains him.

I also feel like cutting my fingers down now. One by one , slowly and gradually! They got over  long time ago when i started counting the number of days since he left of the States, but now they disappoint me since he hasn’t shown up yet…

There is no air here, which is good, reduces my strength to inhale the oxygen! No food, defuses the energy! My body that has been kept in it from so long is now numb to the core. Get it anything and it will convert it into the syndrome of deficit love.

The place is opaque of black , i see nothing, i don’t know the address of this place even, my phone can’t be tracked, so whom should i count on ? Will he ever come and visit me ??? Will he ever bail me out of here ??? Will this re-birth be worth it ? Will the pain ease off ???

Will i be back to the imprisonment behind his soul bars, or will i be hanged to death in this space?????

Gimps of one of my obsession here in black of course :

  1. I miss you
  2. I love you
  3. I miss you
  4. I love you
  5. I miss you
  6. I love you 
  7. I miss you
  8. I love you
  9. I miss you
  10. I love you
  11. I miss you
  12. I love you
  13. I miss you
  14. I love you 
  15. I miss you
  16. I love you
  17. .
  18. ..
  19. ….
  20. ..
  21. ….
  22. ..
  23. ..
  24. ..
  25. ..
  26. ..
  27. . I’d die without you

 

 

 

 

 

10,000. … ‘(

 

– (PR)

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