Riding somewhere between all The hustle! The mess! The Chaos! The tension! The cynical mind set! The rush! The crowd! The surroundings of the atmosphere that are so suffocating that all you can feel are drops of sweat sliding down your veins, leading to the heart and becoming a slow poison to your soul, The sounds in your head! The noise! The thoughts! The pressure! The feeling that you are literally throwing up in your head! So hammered! The Echo! The precision of the excruciating knock in there that you are constantly having in a day, has made me a lifeless soul! Weak in the legs, moist in the eyes, lose in the arms, and dull in the body kind of a person.
The jammed from top to bottom of the body that you have got to live with. Rust consuming the whole system, no space for any movement even for one second. The maddening mind full of thoughts that are eating you up pretty good. No! It doesn’t stop reverberating for one drop dead second. So harsh. Continuously ringing. Not letting you concentrate. Ending up making you a psychopath whom no one can help!
NOTE 1 : THE BLAST IN THE HEAD IS SO NON PERISHABLE UNLIKE EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT THIS LIFE THAT TENDS TO DECAY AT SOME POINT!
All you can hear all day is the bang! How do I lift it off ??? How do I unload the piled up thoughts in my warehouse ????? How do i calculate the cost its costing me to have them up there ???? What about the depreciation that its causing ???? Who is maintaing the accounts that i am accounted to ????? Why does it feel like a shit load of debt in here ??? Where does all the packaged material go ??? The ones that have not been explored yet ????
NOTE 2 : ITS LIKE AN ENTIRE FACTORY BURNING UP THERE WITH THE SCARCITY OF WATER. NOT A DROP OF IT!!!!
Should I call in for bull dozers with all sorts of tools to cut my head off already ???? Or should I let the deadly thoughts make me a maniac and do nothing about it at all ???? Where do I go ???? Where do I find just the right amount of rest ???? Why are the alarms alarming my soul in the worst way possible ?????
Its wondrous that there is not so much as a pause button up there either! Its a constant play that has been hit and some virus has attacked it so traumatically that now it can’t be controlled. The more I control it, the more it gets affected by that dreadful virus. The system is probably hacked and I definitely have no control over it !!!!
NOTE 3 : THE ECHOES ARE SO ENTANGLED TO ONE ANOTHER THAT IT GETS ME DIARRHEA OF ALL THE WORST POSSIBLE CLUMSY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD THAT FRIGHTEN MY SOUL TO EXIT THE BODY!
Every word of what I have written so far is so literal in the meaning that even while I am here trying to rip it off of my brain, it still is blabbering non-stop in my tiny little room up there!!!!! I know it. I know the reason why this shitty little surface is punishing me for. And why not ??? Its punishing me for letting the boy leave for an imaginative dusty future that is yet to come in exchange of the present that is at this moment. This is why there is no solution to the disease in my head. This is why my heart is swelled of all the crying. This is why even in the most peaceful places that i go to, all i can listen to is the chaos in my head. It is now breaking all the doors to the tiniest bit positive left. The residue is falling off. My soul is horrified.
NOTE 4 : THE MUR-MUR OF THE THOUGHTS ARE NOW IN THE FORM OF TEARS THAT ARE TRYING TO FIX THE LOST MEMORIES BUT FAILING TO DO SO IN THE ABSENCE OF THE LOVED ONE!
Now, imagine the Pain! Just imagine the amount of it in my head all the time. No medicine or anything is able to cure it. The only cure would be his voice in my ears, his lips on my forehead! oh! how i miss it. His fingers pushing just the right buttons on my head. His counseling… Uggh! The list is endless. AND YET IMAGINE BEING BLANK AT ALL TIMES…
I want to embrace you in my brain to get rid of the filthy mind-f**king crap that is growing by the day and I see no stopping it. Our future will always remain in our future, its time to hold the present and make the most out of it.
Honestly you know, I knew it. I knew how tough it will be when you are gone, but this tough, its like i have ended up becoming the worst enemy of my own here without you. Shit! So much of importance you hold in my life that i would really love to not hold my breath as much as i want to hold you in my arms right now. Don’t keep me hanging to these thoughts., its risky out there!!
The Chaotic Echoes haunt me. They haunt me in the most spine-tingling manner. The most monstrous manner. From Life to death. Its all in my head in the most nerve-racking possible manner.
SOLUTION : YOU! ONLY. YOU.
NOTE 5 : SO COME! A CRY FOR HELP FOR YOU TO SHOW UP AND TURN THIS “PAIN” INTO THE MOST WONDERFUL ‘PAIN’TING THAT HAS YOU, THAT HAS ME, AND THAT ONLY ECHOES LOVE!
Burst this balloon of thoughts and convert the sweaty tears to joy that tickles!
P (screaming) R!!!!