The STRUGGLE! The fight of completing one full month gets over today, and word press drops me a happy e-mail reminding me of a one month celebration of being in this tight spot lyrics down relationship with this blog. I don’t know what to celebrate really. I don’t know where to go. I don’t even know how i have survived through these 30 days. Gosh! Every single minute of everyday when I feel my heart, it’s racing ! Trust me it would win the Olympics to break Bolt’s record . It is always that fast. I knew that i wanted to run away all this time but my heart seems to follow me through it too. I am weak and so is the system inside me.
Why did you have to go ?
Seeing the sun every morning, trying to find the lost shine of the stars from the previous night reminds me of how i have missed you every dam morning.. the shattered shinning tears from last night try to find you in the same way the next morning .. the ones that leave a mark on my pillow !
The sun gives me an inspiration but i don’t have that much power in me!
Every single time, I spot a beggar on the street , i feel the craving for food he has, like he hasn’t eaten a thing from days now, that hunger! That hunger inside me for your love is growing by each passing day..
Seeing the madness of a sportsperson for that one Golden point to win the match, you know when you heart , eyes and soul come together for that one point and you only wanna ace it, that moment, is every moment for me during the day when i see the clock! You are my Golden Point to win this series of Life.
Every when i wonder how new borns are left to swim their way out of the deepest of water, and the way they give their everything to get out of it, that feeling floats in me through every second of every minute of the day!
Knowing how automatic the breathing process of every individual is, so effortless, like you know its there, no matter what you are doing, like you might not even realize the fact that you are breathing but then you are, that! That you might forget about it but it won’t. Exactly like that you are on my mind. And trust me its so automatic that even in the deepest sleeps (which barely happen), you are there.
You know how when a new born baby, for a couple of months wakes up crying his/her lungs out because its said that they might be having dreams from the previous birth ? I feel like that. Supremely scared from time to time, when i know that my mind is not working and all i want at that time is that my heart to be understood, because its then that its beating all through me! My neck, my hands, my shoulders, my stomach, my tongue, my legs, my fingers, everywhere all i can feel is the heart.
ITS LIKE MY BRAIN FREEZE IS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF THE COLD HEART!
When i feel each and every droplet of sweat on my body, i want that to be covered with that of your’s! Its not too tacky for me. Its not icky for me. Its just a wonderful craving that my body has for you.
Why exactly did you have to go miles away from me ?? I’m home less now ! I never knew that i would be in such a mess that i will make one of myself.
TWO WORDS THAT I WOULD (IF) GOT A CHANCE TO OMIT FROM THE DICTIONARY WOULD BE : LONG and DISTANCE!
How long is this distance ? Where does it begin from ?? Where does it end ??? What about the route ??? How bumpy is it ???? Who created this distance ??? How to know where to meet ??? What if one gets lost in the middle ????? What if the distance keeps getting wider ?????
These two words have broken so many relationships that i wish that i can break the meaning of these from the hearts of people!!!!
Where do i take this heavy mind of mine ?? A mind full of all the negativities possible. The mind that is so vulnerable. The heart that has no idea of whats happening now. The blood that just wants to bleed. The hair that wants to be snatched. The frustration that keeps coming out and finds no end. The room that is locked in my brain. The eyes that only want to pray, The hands that really only want to be folded in front of you Oh Lord! I don’t know what i am doing, what i am writing,
But all i know is that in order to find him, i have become direction less. Its like my heart is blind folded. Navigate me to his heart for all i want.
I want to thank you for residing all the patience inside me. I want double of that to survive now.
I wish that our souls meet to heal each other soon.
i want to make our lives colourful by our collision the way the sun and the unattended drops are rain in the atmosphere come together to make a rainbow!
I wish that hunger to meet food, those eyes to get more hope, those hands to stop shivering, that heart to stop scaring, and so on and so forth because my fingers are giving up right now. Because my eyes are shutting down in pain now. Because my fears are lighting up now and because its time to survive another night now with a hope to cater the shining stars tomorrow morning!
Oh and Happy One Month……..
Heart Pounding…. core… YOU….
Words falling out…….
WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MUSICAL NOTES TO BRING THE RIGHT BEATS BACK TO THE HEART!
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